Friday, January 27, 2006

.well wishes.

i'm taking a ride back. see you all after chinese new year.

Gong xi fa cai again!

Happy Chinese New Year!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

.stopping at a junction.

on one hand, i have the chance of a secure but boring future.

on the other, i see challenges, countless problems and etc...

by filling in the "posting" form. i can see myself 10 years from now.

with countless books on my desk waiting to be revised.
with maybe a nice pair of spectacles and some neat side parting hair.
with a cupboard full of slacks and shirts, and ties.
with screaming children in my mind.
with a car, a normal Proton maybe.
with a daily routine as boring as superman on kryptonite.
with a monthly paycheck as predictable as my left hand.
with no life, except those prescribed by the government and the ministry.
with nothing but a normal life easily forgotten but never easily appreciated until it's too late.

but without the posting form...

i can see myself 10 years from now...

with nothing.

nothing to wait for monthly in my bank account.
nothing on my daily routine.
nothing to start from.
nothing to expect.
nothing to end.

but also with everything..

everything to desire for.
everything to hope for.
everything to expect for.


the future seems so blank from where i'm standing.
it seems like there is no future for me.
it seems like the moment is eternal. this moment is eternal.
it seems like i just might have to wait.

wait for a chance.
wait for an opportunity.
wait for it.

just to keep on waiting....

that's my life now.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

.i ain't no god.

i know, i know, i said i wasn't going to post but hey, i have free time to pollute the net with whatever nonsense i can ramble about.

today, as usual, i'm gonna ramble about how busy and poor i am. you know, the usual.

but i was thinking, if i am considered busy... then wtf is god's daily schedule like?

i mean, with thousands of people praying to him every single day. i don't mean thousands, pardon my sillyness, i mean millions.

i'm sure we all have asked god for something before. something as small as..

let my son pass the driving test. or i hope she'll notice me when i walk past her room today. maybe something like, i hope dad buys some ice-cream on his way home.

god has the power to listen to millions of wishes a single day and process through them. maybe filter out the bad ones or irrelevant wishes so that he can finally select those worthy of granting.

doesn't god have a big plan? you know, everytime shit happens to you. you start to mumble that this is all part of god's big plan?

why bother praying then? do you think god will abandon his freaking plan which involves thousands of light years ahead and millions of people in this world just so that your son can pass the driving test or she'll notice you or maybe dad'll buy ice-cream.

are you dumb?

even if it's life and death, do you think HE's gonna throw every single life on this world which he has already laid out the plans for, just so that you can live a few years more.

do you really think that?

you naive little arrogant son of a bitch?

bah, i think i'm getting out of topic.

anyway, remember how i was whining and complaining like a spoiled brat about my problems, my life, my insecurities when god has so much more duties and never for once did he whine?

who the fuck do you think created tsunamis and why did you think landslides happen, lightning strikes, people drown. call it misfortune. call it unlucky. in fact call it the devil's hand.

call it whatever you want but...

i call it "god on PMS."

no kidding. you think he had a reason to wipe the whole island because everyone there sinned? were there like a big sacrifice ceremony that didn't satisfy HIM? no... he wiped them all out cause he wasn't feeling very nice. he decided, oh fuck... i'm fed up of this job. let's kill a couple hundred of thousand people.

i mean, he must be thinking the world's overpopulated anyway.

but then he regrets it. he wouldn't be god if he didn't

so he creates castles and gave them bundles of cash. maybe some servants. i don't know... maybe he gave them 100,000 orgasm tablets. you now, kinda like a flu pill except it doesn't cure anything except boredom.

oh, where was i? yeah, god with powers.

i mean, i was imagining myself with those powers. could i finish all my work and stop whining?

i guess. but if i did have his powers...

GOD help humanity.

.Gong Xi Fa Cai.

Happy Chinese New Year and Gong Xi Fa Cai to readers of jeemee.blogspot.com!

May your dragon horse healthy.

May you win a lot of money.

May your ancestors bless you every year.

and many more happy days and happy sayings to you.


I will be taking a hiatus from today until the next Monday.

Sorry har... my blog having an OPEN HOUSE... or OPEN BLOG until then.

.this is not a topic.

in light of his passing, i wish to share some laughter in this solemn world

[via e-mail]

The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 77777 problems.
So beware of glance!

Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 be a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 be a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 be a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.

Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1. Too Many Questions.
2. Difficult to Understand.
3. More Explanation is Needed.
4. Result is always FAIL!

Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do you keep telling people you are dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom

Delivered:
Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

Monday, January 23, 2006

.a moment of silence.

he passed away today, i hope, peacefully.

i wasn't that close to him but...

poor old man. may his soul rest in peace.

god has taken away all his suffering and sickness.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

.rebelling against the gahmen.

nicked this off from suanie.

Four students have filed a suit against the Government over its policy to teach Science and Mathematics in English.

The students – Mohammad Syawwaal Mohammad Nizar, Mohammad Fadzil Nor Mohd Rosni, Nur Najihah Muhaimin and Syazaira Arham Yahya Ariff – are seeking to declare two circulars on the execution of the policy dated Nov 27, 2002, unconstitutional, null and void, and of no effect. [via]

this is what i call a bunch of bullshit.

for god's sake. WTF is wrong with learning Science and Mathematics in English. Science and Maths are universal and in order to understand the new concepts we need to really grasp the concept the way it was coined.

i mean, i've heard a bunch of lousy translations from English to BM.

for example, let's see.

joystick = kayu ria.

WTF is kayu ria? sounds like happy stick. and you know what happy stick reminds me of?

it reminds me of dicks on cannabis. on drugs. yes, I'm perverted but don't tell me you don't find the word kayu ria a little absurd and dumb.

hardware = cakera keras.

whenever i hear cakera keras, i get a hard on.

well, i'm lying but it does sound like a hard on. heck, i think i can make "cakera keras = hard on".

"dia menyentuh tubuh wanita it. dengan lemah lembut wanita itu tensengih. dia terasa cakeranya keras. nampaknya dia sudah bersedia untuk proses persetubuhan."

see, makes perfect sense.

software = cakera lembut

basically i think this means a limped dick.

"itu bukan anaknya. isterinya memang mencari lelaki lain. dia tidak mungkin dapat melakukannya kerana dia ada cakera lembut. nampaknya, isteri dia sedang merindui sebatang cakera keras."

keyboard = papan jejari.

i nicked this off from some Malay multimedia book.

now that, we know some words do sound odd just in the computer and IT segment. imagine how it would sound if we translate everything to BM.

remember buret? i have a hard time not laughing whenever me and my mates were taking out that apparatus.

i mean, i do respect our national language but there are some things that are not suitable to be translated especially if the term was coined in a foreign language which suits a foreign culture.

all in all, why make such a big fuss out of a simple education policy which was meant for your own goodness. a language is just a medium of communication. if you're that BAD in it and can't understand a word the teacher is talking about.

come to find me. i give you English tuition lar. i kira you cheap cheap only.

and to top it all off, they're suing the government? that's a big side to sue. and you four person are just that.. four persons.

jia lat lor. is this bravery and standing up for your belief or is this greediness coupled with stupidity?

.divorced or concubine?.

i woke up today with surprise. a couple of visitors from outer space. visitors i wouldn't usually have. they were all dressed in blue.

i approached them to see that they were talking to my neighbour.

"hello, boleh saya tolong?" i asked.

the person in charge came over and said "ini rumah XXX dan XXX, ya?"

"ya, betul. saya penyewa rumah."

he then continued, "oh, kamu pelajar UTM ke?"

i thought for a while, thinking whether to tell him the truth, "ya. apasal?"

he looked at me with a pitiful face. he must be thinking what shit i've landed myself into.

"kami ini dari MPJBT,tuan rumah kamu dah tiga tahun tak bayar cukai rumah ya."

"APA?" i asked in disbelief.

"ya, jadi kalau kamu ada cara contact tuan rumah, boleh contact sekarang? kalau tidak kami kena lock-up rumah ini."

i scrambled to my table and took my handphone out. then i searched the phonebook for 'landlord'.

i dialled.

"hello, landlord? i'm your tenant from 26, jln pulai xx. there are some officers from MPJBT here to collect your property/house tax which you haven't paid for 3 years. if you don't pay them today, they'll lock down this place."

she answered "i'm not the owner of this house. can you call this number, 016-77xxxxx and talk to him?"

i said yes and closed up. i was relieved that i can at least reach the landlord or the owner. someone who can settle this issue.

"toot, toot.. hello?" i heard from the other end. it's a guy. most probably the landlord's husband.

"hello, there are some guys from MPJBT who says you haven't paid your 'men pai seh'. I'l let you talk to them ok?"

i passed my cell to the guys.

they talked for 10 minutes. and the MPJBT guys suggested that we paid it first and then we can deduct it from the rental.

i don't know what the other fella said but i paid 60 bucks and will discuss this stupid shit further with the landlord.

at this time, she was no longer known as "the landlord", instead i call her "the bitch" now.

the guy called back twice and scolded us for disturbing him.

i was going like WTF? however i paid no heed. he was saying some stupid things like calling a lawyer accusing us of disturbing and all those kind of shit. he even said we lied to him.

the first thing i asked him calmly.. is, "what did we lie about?"

he said he doesn't want to discuss about it. i was going again, WTF?

he must be an idiot to even think that he can sue us for disturbing him. i mean, his wife (or rather i think it's her divorced wife or even perempuan simpanan) gave us his number and asked us to call him to discuss this issue about HIS HOUSE with him.

i didn't want to argue with him. but i knew he was irritated. he kept calling the landlord (the house was registered under both their name) as "that woman".

i must say that during our duration of stay here for 2 years, i have never met the husband. although she once mentioned something about needing her husband's decision or something.

whenever a problem crops up, she says she'll need to consult with her husband. we asked for his number but she never gave it to us.

thus upon hearing his nickname for his other half. i decided to irritate him.

as soon as he finished threatening us with stupid stuffs like suing us and all those dumb shit which i couldn't even be bothered (he must be a real idiot to say that 'if i'm in a meeting and your call disturbs our meeting, you will cause me to lose business')

i wanted to tell him 'next time, put it in silent or off it. dumbfuck.'

but i kept my mouth to myself. i guess my devil is still locked up.

where were we... yes, to irritate him.

i said "so now, should we settle this with you or YOUR WIFE?"

to which he answered "settle it with THAT WOMAN. i bought her two house so that she can collect the rent. her monthly rental must be around 2000-3000. Can't she manage her own money?"

family fuck-ups.

but now the question is my head is just this... based on their attitude and his answer, is SHE the divorced wife or is she concubine.

btw, she has two kids. so, i'm guessing a divorced wife. your guess...?

Friday, January 20, 2006

.great procrastinator.

who's quilty of procrastinating, please raise your hands.

i bet if i ask this question to a hall full of students, 99% of their hands will come flying up like little tweety birds waiting for some unlucky worm.

i'm not excluded from these tweety birds. i mean, i have tons of work in my mind now. my assignments and my final year project which i think is still stuck at 30%. i mean, after so long... and still stuck at 30%. WTF?

and then i need to read up on ESP so that i can do my assignments. What is ESP?

Extra Special Penis.

What kind of assignment do i need to do?
I need to create a penis that is capable of detachment. i will call it detachable penis.

what is the rationale behind this project?
first of all, if our penis is stuck to our body part, it makes washing hard. and angry wives tend to cut it off for revenge. using a detachable penis, or utilizing a product to enable its detachment, we can now store it safely or detach it back after our wives cut it off.

another objective of this project is for the female counterpart. a detachable penis enables the female to detach them whenever your husband goes for those late night meetings in whore houses or red districts.

with these detachable penis, you can have the assurance that your husband's decency is protected in a safe place. (your safety box maybe).

however, during the duration of this research, i have encountered some problems.

first of all, the detachable penis, might be stored in a safety box along with jewellery and a thief or a robber might abscond it away along with your family jewels.

this is a very unfortunate incident which in case, it does happen, i will not be held responsible.

personal belongings are the responsibility of the owner. we cannot be held responsible for loss or damaged products.

second, a long period of detachment might result in permanent damage to both the product and the user. (limping, rotten, or even change of male to female behaviour).

lastly, a prolonged success of this product might result in two things.

a) newer innovations and cheaper penis replacements (for the lost ones) thus enabling your husband to purchase a second hand one or a new one for that long business meeting.

this can cause a "false sense of security" for the female with the locked penis.

b) imitation goods. (this is bad.... )

another assignment i haven't done is my PSM. which stands for PreSensualMemory.

Pre Sensual Memory stores an artificial orgasm which can be used during sexual orgasm deficiency experiences.

best of all, it comes in Universal Plug and Play.

the Special Edition comes in a Wi-Fi edition for mass orgasm
(useful in orgies or to create massive orgasm in Starbucks)

RRP : RM1337

.memoirs of a geisha.

i went to the city square for some shopping. then i went to the cinema to see what's out.

then i saw MOG (memoirs of a geisha) at 10. grabbed the tickets and continued shopping.

i din buy anything but my friend did. anyway, headed back up to watch memoirs of a geisha after aalmost all the shops closed.

the movie starts off with the circumstances that arose which forces little Chiyo (Suzuka Ohgo) to be sold into a life of a geisha. like any typical tragedy, it happens. kinda reminds me like being sold to prostitution cause their parents didn't actually die. their parents SOLD them off.

then during her voyage to a geisha, she actually meets a lot of hurdle and here we are introduced to women's jealousy. a bitter and tragic thing, if not treacherous. the bitter lost love woman was portrayed by Gong Li which was good!

in the end, the movie focuses on love. i must say, it was a disturbing image to see little chiyo at 13 or 12 falling in love with an old man. (imagine an adult version of ken watanabe with a small girl...) yucks.

however, kudos to the acting crew for a wonderful performance. some of the actresses i like were Gong Li, Suzuka Ohgo (young Chiyo) and zhang zhiyi.

Michelle Yeoh pulled it off but i think she was overshadowed by zhang zhiyi.

overall, i think zhang zhiyi managed to pull it off with a wonderful performance. it's a must see if you love japanese culture.

however, i think the only part i din understand was the dancing part during sayuri's mizuage (virgin bidding or giveaway) performance. i can't seem to understand that particular aesthetic part.

out of 10, i'd give it a solid 7. and for zhiyi, i'd give her a solid 9.

such beauty in her eyes. really.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

.jimmy eats steamboat in the ARK.



s
orry for the delay. i know i promised but shit hapens.

it's 17 bucks per person for all you can eat. however, leftovers will be penalized and bla bla bla.

you know, the usual.

anyway, the place is in Tmn. Molek. after Jusco Tebrau from JB/KL highway.

i can't draw a leet map like KY cause I just went there once.

anyway, it's basically the same as any other place so, i'll just let the pictures do the talking.

p/s : i ate a lot of mantis shrimp and salty veggies cause some idiot took them and buat dunno and refuse to eat them. so, i wallop all lar.

the next day?

stomach bo song and diarrhea.

chau chee bye the idiot!


Wednesday, January 18, 2006

.where's Port Dickson?

i've been dealing with the money symbol constantly. yes, this "$" symbol. but i ain't getting richer or poorer. except in terms of knowledge.

some of you might know and the rest might not...

$ can also be used to store variables in the php coding aspect. i can't explain more as i'm only a novice but i can sure as hell say this..

i love and hate php at the same time.

so, today was just like any other day in Johor.

except before i went to class, i bumped into my two dear friends.

let's call them alicia and julie.

anywa, julie comes from Malacca.

how can i remember that?

well, my brain kind of has a connection system. when i think of Malacca, i can connect it to numerous stuffs and ordeals or places. like my visit to Malacca with my family, or A Famosa, MMU, Yee Hui who studies in MMU...

that's how my brain works, connections.

but, Alicia comes from Negri Sembilan.

Such a small place.

She told me, i think numerous times.

guess what, i still couldn't remember.

why?

cause i couldn't connect it to anything.

and i also..
.
.
.
never knew Port Dickson was in Negri Sembilan.

.frustrated with PHP and MySQL.

i'm frustrated with my progress.

it's still under construction but i've figured out a couple of scripts to store databases. however, it's far from how i want it yet...

so far i've completed a registration and high score database. now i just need more time in my life...

http://english.crazy.net.my/

it looks blank but design is the last thing in my mind now. after i'm finished with the database, the design will be 1337!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

.dark force of the republic is in PTPTN.

for some unbeknownst reason, some of my hard drives can't be read. thus i can't access the pictures from the steamboat in Tmn Molek (The Ark) pictures. Thus this could result in some delay.

i just passed up my PTPTN loan extension form. i think it'll take a couple of weeks before they even start processing the mother fucking shit. i mean, it's most probably coming in (the money) after chinese new year.

i wonder how they work in the department.

they must be led by some dilbert asshole lookalike. or maybe the republic from star wars. (related)

and they must have been trained to make undergraduates' lives difficult.

i mean, who could blame then... a couple of thousand people or graduates don't pay our loan.

i can see it in my head now.... the minute my form gets into the PTPTN office, they're going to stomp on it.. like a ritual. except without any burning incense or any loud prayers and bell knocking.

then they're going to take it up and look at it, as if it's some evil spirit possessed by satan.

"pissing on it" [pic via]

then one by one, they're going to pee on it. or shit on it....

"potty training on my form" [pic via]

once the ritual's over. the biggest boss aka 'darth boss' will probably go "who's the next fucker?"

"darth boss getting horny" [pic via]

some lousy trooper "Jimmy, from UTM"

"what's his problem?"

"he seems to be out of money and some shit happened now he needs an extension to the loan. it seems that his course is 5 years but we only registered 4 years"

"is it our fault?"

"yes"

"fuck. it's never our fault" then the darth boss proceeds to strangle the trooper with the force.

"ouch... hurts you evil.... i mean, darth boss"

"put the fella under review and give him RM7000. after that, extend his loan to 30 years with interest rates of 5%. then apologize, but use your name ok trooper?"

"what is my name boss?"

"i don't give a flying fuck.. get a name tag. call yourself doggy for all i care"

"the doggy returns" [pic via]

"when should we bank in this student's money boss?"

the darth boss thinks for a while and says ...

.
.
.

"when xialanxue kisses and makes up with xiaxue."

.
.
.
.
chau chee bye.

Monday, January 16, 2006

.impersonating me.

this is a real story.

as some of you know i need to go for regular medical check-ups in Selayang Hospital. it seems that my next appointment is on the 22nd of this month.

but my previous appointment was somewhere during the semester holidays.

due to my commitment to my tuition class, i had to lie. i admit, it wasn't actually a good thing but i need time to rest. hey, i'm only human.

so, i told the administrator... rather "clerk" in the office that i was going to take a two weeks off for a medical check-up. although the actual trip would only last for 1 to 2 days and the rest would be spent wandering around kl and penang... i can't really tell him that.

so, the stupid clerk told my students that i was going for an operation in KL.

I was like WTF?

but i didn't know about it till i was supposed to come back. i did make frequent calls back to the centre and he did call me to ask for some information.

every conversation was like an imagination. imagining the condition in the hospital (which is easy cause i've had lots of experiences) and sometimes pretending that the place is lonely and i'm bored but... when in fact i was having the time of my life shopping and wandering around in KL and Penang.


anyway, i came back a few weeks ago and started teaching my students back.

it seems that one of the form 4 students "missed" me so much, that he fucking impersonated me.

how?

he started introducing himself as jimmy.

me = jimmy ang

him = jimmy chong

when i asked him "why in the blue fucking hell did you give yourself an English name which is the same exact fucking name as mine?"


he answered "cause i thought you weren't coming back from the operation..."

.
.
.

fucking bastard.


coming soon... jimmy eats steamboat at The ARK in Tmn. Molek

.bad day.

today's been a bum. i was up all day teaching from 10.30 till 5 pm. imagine the haggard look on my freaking face after all those hours of screaming children.

the morning session was bad. because there were a lot of kids varying from kindergarten to standard 6. it was havoc. i just felt like strangling them and dumping them into the toilet bowl.

i admit, some of them are cute and adorable... but others are just irritating and dumb. plain dumb.

then the afternoon session.

teenagers with their rebellious attitude and angst.

i could be all fierce and fuck them up from the moon to the depths of the black hole.

but i guess i'm not much of an angry person. i prefer to approach it with a friendly attitude.

thank god this won't be happening again next week.

i've asked for lesser classes. which means, next sunday, i only have one class from 10 am until 1 pm. form 4 until form 5 students.

after that, it's back to my assignments.

sigh...

Saturday, January 14, 2006

.undefeated LOVE? unconditional LOVE?

i would still love you even if you have no money.

i would still love you even if you're poor.

if she loves me, then she shouldn't mind whether i'm poor or rich.
CHEEBYE!

if any girl says this or any guy says this to you... take a bat and smack them in the head.

then, smack them when they're down on the floor again.

smack them till you can see there's remnants of brain cells on your shirt/dress.

then report them for a Darwin award. A "darwin award" is given to human population who help mankind by relinguishing their offspring from the world's gene pool.


every living year and every breath i have taken in this world has led me to this conclusion, money is something.. if not, everything!

i mean, who in their fucking idiocy would want to marry a person without money. money is something. it has to account for something. i mean, people wouldn't be so worried and pissed off if they have no money if money is really nothing.

love can make peace and love can make you happy.

i admit that's true... but only if it's accompanied by money.

and money can make peace and make you happy.... even without love.

imagine a family being hungry and poor and living on the roadside. they're your family members.

you try to help them, but because you're poor, you can only give them love.

hug them, cry with them, kiss them.

but in the end, they'd go like... WTF are you doing?

imagine the same scenario, but now, with money. give them 10,000 dollars or 1,00 dollars.

and because you're rich, use your influence to find them some work. put a shelter up their head.
and you don't even need to lay a finger on them.it seems devoid of love but you're actually doing it because of love.

which one's better?

okay, now imagine your girlfriend.

you're a little poor, but maybe not very poor. you can still afford to give her somethings...

like a treat once in a week in the mamak stall. a stalk of rose once in a year..

no diamond rings, maybe some Zhulian ones.

plus that with a lot of love....

yes i'm sure she loves you... but a girl's definition of love is never "realisitic".

it's more like ... "idealistic"

they want flowers... everytime, once a week.

they want posh restaurants, maybe not all the time but once in a while...

they want diamond rings.

maybe they won't bug you to buy them but they definitely think about it.

the big question...
"WHAT IF..."

what if i was married to someone who loves me AND who's rich.

what if I had diamond rings.

what if he was more handsome.

what if i was prettier, slimmer, more curvaceous.

what if the sky falls down tomorrow.

what if....


now, imagine a guy who's rich, not bad looking. maybe someone who has the same exact face as you...

and he's damn rich.

he books the whole restaurant for her. fill the ceilings with balloon. chauffeur her with a limousine or a BMW, not the lousy Proton you have...

and he comes with a hundred roses (or insert her facourite flower here)

imagine lavishing her with the most beautiful dresses suited for a princess. a dress that you can only buy if you spent two months salary especially for that dress.

and he buys 10 of them.

are you sure her heart wouldn't move?

is LOVE really that powerful?

yes, love is powerful but HOW powerful?

.idiot storm troopers.

storm troopers are in my opinion, the most coolest lot in the Star Wars saga besides Darth Vader. I mean, who else would I like?

I definitely wouldn't want that Luke idiot who almost fell in love with his own freaking sister.

And defintely not the Gay Hans who has a fetish for Bigfoot.

The Emperor? That old hag sucks. I bet his balls or scrotum must be saggy and wrinkly like a bulldog. i mean, just look at his fucking face. It reeks of sag.

However, yesterday, i realized a couple of things, the fucking storm troopers are all clones. they don't even have names, not even a name tag.

WTF does that mean?

it means they're all just small potatoes (insignificant idiots).

How do they identify each other?

No wonder the jedi's don't even need to have a conscience when killing them. They're like people who all look the same. it's like killing them and seeing them come back alive. so the guilt is never there cause you think they'd always come back from the dead.

Darth Vader always pull out the force on them.

And the storm troopers don't even have a voice synthesizer like Vader.


fuck the storm troopers. they're really a bunch of idiots.

Friday, January 13, 2006

.if i had periods, i would be like this...

now, i always imagine periods. i mean, how hard is stomach cramps once in a month right?

if you're a male chauvinist asshole, like every other male in this world. you would probably think that you can handle it.

but then again, try to imagine yourself having periods. i mean, it's biologically impossible right?

since you have no vagina/pussy or whatever hole, then where would all the gooey blood come out from..

let's just imagine that they will come out from your asshole.
(this is probably the most probable place a period will come out if guys biologically can have periods...)

i mean, it's definitely not coming out from your penis. wahlau! think of blood, oozing out of your dick.

damn scary dude.

okay, now that the hole's settled. let's imagine you having diapers. now shrink it by ten times to roughly the equivalent of a pad.

i doubt males would prever a tampoon cause that'd be like getting a dick shoved up your asshole... which projects a retarded image of gay plus bondage.

okay, if you want, let's imagine a tampoon wedged up your ass. and a string hanging out.

now pull it out.... it's like unplugging a sink hole.

yucks.

so, we got the tampoon out of the way... the next task would be tring to imagine how gooey a period blood feels like.

imagine diarrhea.... uncontrollable. ooozzing out of your ass.

now in order to prevent staining your pants, stick the pad up your panties... i mean underwear.

and have it soak up the remnants of your oozing shit and feeling the shit plastered all over the surface of your butt.

uncomfortable right?

if i was to have that kind of feeling, i think i'd faint there and then. maybe even get a baseball bat and randomly start hitting the janitor.

okay, now that the substance is dealt with, let's move on to the pain.

remember your stomach gastric pains?

yes, that one. now imagine the worst one you had.

times it by 3.

that's the feeling you get.

and then add it to the gooey butt feeling or asshole wedged by a tampoon feeling.

then tell me how irritated and agitated you can be.


believe me, if i had this once a month, i'd rather be a male....


wait a minute, i am a male.

now for the females, if you want to stop this phenomenon, there are two ways as i know it.

first is to get menopause.

but that's a biological thing beyond your control or sometimes that's just not an option cause you're not married and who knows, you might want to have a little critter called a child.

another way is to get pregnant.

whoa! that's good. the comfort of nine months and it all comes exploding in one single stroke?

think again.

now, females, imagine a milo tin strapped up your body. imagine looking in the mirror everyday for 10 months (1 month after getting pregnant)..

imagine that and saying... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, I'M FUCKING FAT!

times it by (31x10) = 310 days.

maybe you look into the mirror 2 times a day... that's a total of 620 times screaming the god's name in vain.

and then there's the explosion.

imagine that and going : FUCK YOU SON OF A BITCH, I'M NOT GETTING FUCKING PREGNANT FOR YOU THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO FUCKING BUY A CONDOM.

now although that only happens when the explosion starts... it might go up to

1000 times degrading another female as a "bitch" for his bloody son's fault just because he's too lazy to buy a condom.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

.Moonlight in Tokyo - a review.

Intellectually impaired he might be, JUN (Leon Lai) is only dumb but not silly. Abandoned by his family on a trip to Tokyo with only a few notes in his pocket, he thinks he has found his guardian angel when he bumps into a former classmate, HOI (Chapman To). But Hoi is no angel at all. He is just a grifter on the run from yakuza loan sharks.When YAN (Yang Kuei-mei), the owner of an escort service, is convinced the ingenuous Jun will make a perfect gigolo, Hoi decides to transform his pal into Tokyo’s most sought-after Lothario in order to eke out a living and to pay his debts. Together the odd couple thus embark on a hilarious adventure, or misadventure so to speak, worming their way into the hearts of desperate housewives and office ladies in Japan.
[link]
you could not blame me for not loving this movie. i mean, it has Leon Lai acting as a retard. as if all those Singaporean 8tv retard movies are not enough, here it is again.

while this movie tries to be artistic and meaningful, it provided neither for me.

some heart rendering moments and perhaps could utilize a better plot, it has potential. but i fail to see it deliver both emotionally or cinematographically.

i regret not watching 3rd Generation.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

.the best gadgets of 2005.

current readings has led me to pen down the best gadgets of 2005 (in my opinion)

Sony Ericsson W800i


This is undoubtedly one of the best marvels of the world today. with exceptional camera and music interface quality, it leaves no stones unturned. however, one might be turned off by it's orange and white design. if you're not one who dislikes the design, you must be one who likes it. there's no in between.

with the incorporated extra memory card storage in the form of the more expensive Sony Memory Stick, you might think twice. however, Sony has saved us all the headache by including a 512mb Sandisk MSProDuo.

Although in terms of architecture and hardware, it is almost equivalent to the SE K750i, the walkman brand might be a determining difference.

[link]

Motorola Razr V3.


This is one stunning piece of architecture. Boasting a handphone which rivals its previous Startac fame, it is currently still the phone to beat in terms of design. however, with old functionalities but a futuristic design, this phone seems more like a fashion piece than a great piece of hardware.

Sporting a vga camera with 0.3 mpx resolution, I am still wondering why people would buy such an outdated piece of machinery.

The interface of Motorola is one that we are still waiting for a revamp. Currently, it is still being left behind by their other counterparts like SE or Samsung. Nokia leaves them behind in terms of user friendly interface and customization with its Symbian OS.

Without a memory card slot and a mere 5.5 mb built in memory, I am still wondering how am I going to make the best out of this small and astute piece of design masterpiece.

Fashion phone at it's best.

[link]

Nokia N70.

No doubt one of the best gadgets in 2005 due to its functionality and the 3g capabilities, this phone is one to marvel at. its specs are something we all look in awe.

Sporting a 2mpx camera and memory card slot plus utilizing the Symbian OS, one cannot go wrong with this handset.

However, the mere size and weight is a put off for a whole lot of people including me.

[link]

Sony PlayStation Portable.


Venturing into an area previously dominated by Nintendo, Sony has seem to make a glaring and blazing entrance into handheld gaming.

Utilizing their proprietary UMD disc format, i can only wonder when it will take a downfall due to the lack of games. but it seems that the memory stick is capable of providing movies and games downloaded from the internet as well. As I have yet to confirm the availability of this, any reader's feedback is welcomed.

No doubt, the high resolution and big screen is a very big factor in the success of this handheld, not to mention the fact that it has sleek designs.

i can only wonder when i will get my grubby paws on this device for a test ride... :)

[link]

Ipod Nano.

the first, or rather second ipod to move away from hard disc based storage, it is a revolutionary design and technological feat.

With such slim designs, I can only wonder when and how did I fell in love with it.

however, due to its scratch prone surface, it might hinder off some music lovers. however, keep in mind that it once went through rigorous destruction testing and came out alive.

this is a darling for male and female alike and if you're afraid of getting scratches on this product, get protection. AIDS suck.

aiyah! wrong tagline.

[link]

Other gadgets which are superb but did not quite get into my best gadgets of 2005:

Samsung SGH D600
: no autofocus and slower text messaging
Xbox 360 : due to the lack of games.
Ipod Video : evolutionary but nothing revolutionary
Tungsten | X : Lacks something called a phone combination.
Palm Treo 650 : not my cup of tea
SE W900 : still new

now, i might and need to work twice as hard to get one of these...

.raining.

it's raining....


AGAIN!

and i'm contemplating cowering under my blanket with a cup of hot milo. cause god knows its hot.

besides, there's no class today. which makes it all easier to sleep the day over and hope that tomorrow won't be as cold as today.

but life isn't as easy or as wonderful as this. i've got tons of work and tons of things to do. besides, life's so short and beautiful, why waste it away idling?

but i aint bathing today. not without any hot water.

it's been raining a lot these couple of days hasn't it.

i wanted to sit down and watch tv but i guess i can do better than that.

somehow, whe it's raining i hate the cold. when it's not raining, i hate the hot blazing sun.

i love the weather in between, you know, the part where it's going to rain or just finished raining.

the weather is best when it's after a rain and the sky is starting to turn blue.

which led me to wonder, does all good and wonderful things come exactly right after a great problem?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

.blame thou frenst.

now that the hoohaa over the AP issue is over and the ear squatting issue is over. i can't ever seem to pinpoint the blame or the culprit. i mean, it's always like this... some big hoohaa and someone sets up an independent body to investigate and in a matter of time, it's all lost.

i wonder how do people lock it up? are we really that forgiving or do we merely procrastinate until the next big topic which will hopefully divert our attention.

i heard that RM5 million were robbed from a security van today.

anyway, putting the blame is a very easy thing. i blame everyone other than myself for everything. i'm sure you all do too. in one way or the other, we think of our own style and way of living far more superior than others.

think of your neighbour, or your best friend... anything they do which irritates the fucking brains out of you?

now, think about yourself... anything you do which irritates the fucking brains out of them?

i'm sure you have and they have too. it's part and parcel of who we are.

but today... or rather a few days ago, i had a great revelation.

it doesn't really matter what your friend thinks of you cause if they can't accept who you are and trust your word... they're better off as someone you just happen to pass by in your life.

he does it behind my back and without my knowledge.

i have done nothing to hurt or intentionally cause malicious irritation towards my friend. everything i do i answer to god truthfully and there's nothing which anyone can say about it. yes, i can vouch for that with my life.

of course i have the occasional white lies and bad truths but i'm sure they're without malicious intent to purposely cause great harm towards my friends.

i treat all my friends as equal and my gf as a notch higher. i mean, i spend the rest of my days with her (maybe...)

but friends that don't trust you, backstab you and intend to purposefully destroy your relationship with another friend is just plain evil.

i mean, i did it all for his own good and out of a good heart. however, there he is... with his mighty stance questioning my reliability and validity.

i admit, he was badly influenced by me once but i did advice him against it. however, he was more caught up with the suspense and action and thought better of the consequences. in the end, he wound up with a bitter heart and an evil soul.

i pray to god that his life is a fullfilling life cause i intend no harm and i pray to god that our paths do not cross again... cause god knows i am an angry person when people i trust hath betrayeth me.

god bless his soul shall it ever cross my path.

p/s: no i'm not having my PMS and even if i did... i wouldn't be taking it out on an unsupecting movie lover.... (wait a minute, that sounds so familiar, oh well...)

Monday, January 9, 2006

.fucked up car.

my car went kablooi again.

i wonder what happened to it?

i was starting the engine but the whirring sound of the starter just won't cease. it desired to remain unstarted (is this even a word?)

i took it to the nearby company and had to change the alternator (the thing that charges the battery) and the battery itself.

right now, you can say that i'm damn broke. however i'm glad that there will be a meeting this friday to distribute the new PTPTN agreement and hopefully settle all of this agenda behind me. They say that the money will come in 2 weeks from then. but i definitely doubt it from past experiences.

my money is depleting. right now, i think i'm left with roughly 2 bucks in my wallet. this will have to last me till 15th of this month. and if i'm lucky, my employer will bank in my money.

fuck money.

i'm a procrastinator and a habitual spender. i admit it.

i have tons of assignments not including my final year thesis.

i need to create a database working website (they think i'm a fucking programmer?) with user registration and all those shit. level 1 students can only enter level 1 information while level 2 for level 2... so on so forth.

this won't be easy for someone without any programming background like me.

i've yet to figure out a way through this but hopefully i can manage it soon. not to mention i have to ascertain the validity and reliability of the questionnaires and content on the website.

fuck, guess i have my work cut out for me. i am also out of credit on my handphone thus explaining why i didn't or haven't contacted my other examiner for a meeting. things are really rowdy. my new SE T610 is not exactly in dandy working condition too. it's joystick is fucking up. i just hope it will last me until my PTPTN comes in. then maybe it's time for me to change.

which one should i get?

the new SEW810, Samsung SGH D600 or the Razr V3.

All three have it's pros and cons.

the SE boasts of an intuitive interface that i have loved ( i own 2 SE models before)

SGH D600 can playback video as caller id but the center button acts as a internet button and not to access the menu. this could irk me up a bit. also, the text messaging interface might be slower than SE.

The V3. it just looks good. other than that, VGA cam, no exp. memory, no vid recording... bla bla bla. but it's damn thin....

sometimes, too many choices is not good.

Saturday, January 7, 2006

.3g revelation.

what can I do with a 3G card?

without a 3G phone?

...fuck....

Friday, January 6, 2006

.Sony Ericsson W810.

the new Walkman brand phone from SE

i
've got news that Sony Ericsson W810 is coming out in the first Q of 2006. However, with the W900, I was left wondering why in the blue hell does Sony Ericsson want to come out with W810. Maybe the candybar design and small aspect will win over some music lovers that are beat off by W900's enormous design and unorthodox swivel design.

One thing for sure, the W810 is aesthetically more pleasing than the funky but a bit childish W800 walkman phone. I mean, orange and white? sure, funky for a teenager but not up to the sleek and classy design that i was looking for.

Did SE forgot about 3G in their design department?

why W810 did not include 3G capability is beyond my wildest understanding. It looks like a very promising handset, and if 3G was included, I would definitely consider it. (i just upgraded my sim to a 3G one for free from Celcom).

The features are all promising but I heard it lacks a very big gap in the FM radio department. That was a very determining factor to a lot of users. Especially me. Cause after a while, my collection of MP3s lose their appeal and FM radio offers a free variety.

However, when will it be available and at what price is still unknown...

and one more thing, i hate SE joysticks. My K700i's joystick got retarded in like 2 months...

read more...
&
more pictures

Thursday, January 5, 2006

.breathless.

it's 2006 in the blink of an eye. i know i must be getting older cause time flies by so much faster than yesterday.

it's the time again to ponder about what has happened and what achievements i did in the past one year or 365 days.

2005 was a year full of tribulations for my body. i was plagued with sickness. it is also the year where i start to seriously chronicle my thoughts and learn about the world of blogosphere.

i know many people will remember this year as one of the few years that they cherish in their life, but i couldn't even be bothered to remember it. (i have pictures... haha) what makes a year gone and how fast it passes by must really be determined by how fun it is. i can proudly say that it has been an exciting year for me. i was travelling around places. life was more free this year. however, everything has a price to pay i guess. my grades dropped a bit albeit small but still significant. but i don't really care.

i mean, does it really matter about the 0.2 pointer when life is so much more fun without it? i don't really regret losing them as my life is filled with wonderful memories and i know my friends are too. those who influence me and those who i influence. i guess we can say that life is all about the experience. as hitch says it (if i can remember correctly... i can't be bothered to google it...)

"count life by the amount of moments that take your breath away, not the amount of breaths you take"
i really concur and agree :)

you?

Wednesday, January 4, 2006

.sick.

i've been sick with diarrhea and fever. sorry for the lack of posts. activity will resume at the end of this week.

Sunday, January 1, 2006

.Happy New Year.

From my handphone sms...

Wishing you a seductive and horny New Year licked by love and penetrated by heavenly graces and may all your misfortunes be ejaculated before the season has climaxed.
- jimmy