Friday, August 29, 2008

.merdeka tahun ini.

51 tahun sudah berlalu sejak merdeka dilaungkan oleh Allahyarham YTM Tunku Abdul Rahman. Nak dikata cepat bukannya cepat sangat, nak dikata lambat bukannya lambat sangat.

Tahun ini mesti banyak orang yang mengibarkan bendera. banyak lagi orang yang melaungkan bendera sambil merempit di jalanraya.

tahun ini aku berasa patriotik. aku ingin mengibarkan bendera. mazee membeli bendera seringgit 50 sen dari kedai serbaneka. aku tersangat teruja. melompat-lompat sambil meminta mazee memberi aku satu.

dapat-dapat aku terus masuk kereta dan cari tempat yang strategik untuk letak. memanglah, dasar dah berpatriotik biarlah satu dunia nampak.

tak ada tempat strategik selain dashboard depan. tak boleh diletakkan begitu saja, kalau aku pusing... sah jatuh. jadi aku pun letakkan double sided tape dan menekannya kuat ke atas dashboard aku. confirm semua orang nampak.

lepas ini, aku teringin nak bawa kereta jalan-jalan. biarlah petrol naik harga sampai RM3.00 pun aku rela.

tapi mazee bertanya, "yang kau pi letak double sided tape tu buat apa?"
betul juga... lepas 31 ini... nak ambil turun pun susah. nanti ada kesan atas dashboard aku kang dah tak hensem dah.
"takpe" aku fikir. biarlah ia disana walau lepas 31 pun. biarlah aku mengibarkan bendera dan berpatriotik setiap hari. mentang-mentang dah nak merdeka.. jiwang betul fikiran aku.

lepas aku melekatkan bendera, aku pun keluar dari kereta dan membuang plastik pembungkus serta cebisan double sided tape tepi jalan.

mazee nampak dan tersenyum.
aku masuk balik ke dalam kereta dan menurunkan bendera sambil mengutip sampah aku.

yang mengibarkan bendera itu tak semestinya berpatriotik, yang mengutip sampah tepi jalan... itulah yang berpatriotik. kan?

tahun ini, kita lupakanlah segala masalah negara kita. kita maaafkanlah segala masalah negara kita. biar kita bersyukur atas apa yang kita ada. biar kita memperbaiki dengan hasrat untukmu malaysia.

kita satu bangsa, kita satu negara, kita bersatu untuk malaysia.

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.sodomi.

hari ini aku nampak anjing jantan aku cucuk punggung anjing jantan lain.

dengan spontan aku mengetatkan punggung aku.

masalah psikologi ini disebabkan artikel artikel sodomi yang terlebih papar.


sila bebaskan punggung aku.

Monday, August 25, 2008

.mandulo.

staff aku, Arip Lintah duduk di depan gua. Kerja sudah berakhir. Kami duduk sambil menikmati secawan teh tarik spesial Bagan Dalam. Nasi Gorengnya memang best, tambah lagi ngan Ayam Kunyit dan sambal belacannya memang kegemaran aku.

Lepas makan, aku dan Arip memang suka duduk melayan sebatang rokok. Selalunya Marlboro sebab Marlboro aje yang aku beli. Duit Arip sudah habis tapi rokok nak hisap juga. Memang dia hisap saja apa yang aku ada (mcm salah aje...takpelah).

Nasib baik hari ini dia layan Dunhill, Dunhill kat kedai Pak Samad tu jual sebatang-batang. Aku dah berhenti, taubat, cuci kaki... jadi dia tak dapat melintah dari aku.

"Zeemi, kau tau tak kalau hisap Marlboro tu kan... boleh mandul orang kata?"

muka aku jadi bengkok...

o.O




Nasib baik aku sudah berhenti merokok, kalau tidak...

malam ni gua layan filem jepun bawah katil gua.

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.malas tahap sepuluh ribu.

e-mail ni kalao ko terima, ko paham tak?

l me dicuss with my ops and come back to you..tks
"let me discuss with my officer and come back to you. thanks"
aku paham tapi maksiat betul budak ni.. tulis lah baik baik.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

.1-0.

aku memasuki bilik.

asap memenuhi bilik itu. mengingatkan aku kepada perasaannya.

aku ditawarkan sebatang tetapi aku menolak.

1 markah untuk aku

0 untuk rokok marlboro.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

.musykil.

cabaran 1: kalau air paip tu setinggi sepuntung rokok yang dibakar... macam mana nak basuh tangan?

aku tak tahu. aku cuba dah, mmg konfirm tak berjaya.

cakaplah, macam mana aku nak basuh tangan ni? kotor sungguh tangan aku.
itulah... lain kali, jangan bina tandas macam ini.

kan dah satu dinding dikotori tahi tangan.

Monday, August 18, 2008

.bulletin screw ups.

in friendster, there's this Bulletin function where ppl can post like universal bulletins. It used to be fun with numerous quizzes and trivias. Nowadays ppl just use it for useless advertisement and forwarded messages.

Yesterday I saw one of my friend post a bulletin entitled "Who created this?"
I thought it was a genuine question on some intelligent solution or some magnificent wonderful product or some shit liddat... mana tau.. it came out like this:

And because you opened it, now you have to re post this saying . Pls. come to our wedding on Oct. 18, 2008 If you don't, your mother will die in 3 days w/ a horrible sickness, but if you do the person you have will love you forever. P.S. Sorry guys, I just need to re post this as I love my mom so much & I don't need a badluck. SORRY

WTF? I was damn pissed off OK? Tak pasal pasal kena sebiji. He should have done the world justice and like... save us from the hassle by putting up.. "DO NOT OPEN" or "DANGEROUS" or something liddat. At least with that.. I couldn't blame him if I indeed did open it...

I was compelled to reply to this so that he wouldn't pollute the world with such messages in the future.

Thus I replied to his bulletin with the title "XXX is an idiot."

And here is the message. Enjoy.

I read XXX's post. Usual good luck, bad luck, your mom will die if you don't repost...wtf.
So if you don't repost this in 5.32013 seconds, XXX will have herpes and lick his dog's vagina. 1 second left. Good Luck XXX.

Lee Chong Wei wtf? T________________T

p/s: found out that the fruit mentioned here is not "pulasan". Pulasan is like a rambutan but with similar skin texture. I still want to know wat is it....

Friday, August 15, 2008

.daily dose.

turbo tak jadi

----------------------------------------

Balasan Mazee.

hari ini mazee (mama zeemi) keluar utk buat kerja di penang.
mazee baru dapat pos baru sebagai seorang yang senior dalam ofis dia. semua benda remeh temeh pun dia kena buat report. maklumlah, orang yang in-charge hanya pandai buat report dan arahkan orang saja.

mazee bimbang dia boring. dia mintak laptop I untuk dibawanya ke kursus dia.
I pun pinjam. remeh saja hal itu. I memang sayang mazee.

tapi dia tanya I bermacam benda. dari macam mana nak buka komputer tu ke macam mana nak "save" file dalam pc.

aku cuba memberi tunjuk ajar. tetapi diajar-ajar pun dia tak faham.
bukannya dia tak faham, arahan aku simple aja...

Bukak File, Kalau nak save file baru tekan "Alt" + "F", select "Save As" dan bla bla bla...

Tetapi Mazee tak yakin. Tutorial aku mengambil masa setengah jam. Dalam masa tu, aku semakin hilang sabar dan tutorial aku menjadi kelam kabut. Mazee perasan tapi diam aje.

Lepas itu, dia masih tanya lagi.

"Alt F" lepas itu apa ye? lupa.

Aku terpaksa jelaskan lagi. Memang sah ingatan mazee kurang bagus.

Aku masih ingat lagi kali terakhir dia minta bantuan tentang benda elektronik. MP3 player dan recorder aku dipinjamnya ke kursus. Dia tanya bermacam-macam sebelum dia berangkat.

Keesokannya, MP3 dan recorder aku rosak. Dia kata itu balasan sebab aku tak sabar semasa mengajar mazee.



Sekarang I risau dgn laptop I.

.UiTM fucktards.

No need to open up UiTM to other races’

PETALING JAYA: Universiti Teknologi Malaysia (UiTM) is the last bastion for Malay and bumiputra students to further their studies and there is no need to open it up to other races, the Malaysian Muslim Consumers Association (PPIM) said. - source

He said the power to decide on any changes to the intakes in UiTM was up to the government. Earlier about 5,000 UITM students held a peaceful demonstration in front of the state secretariat building where they also handed over a memorandum to a state government official objecting to the call by Khalid.

UiTM student body president Luqmannulhakim Mohamad Idris said the students wanted Khalid to retract the statement and apologise.

“We (the students) are very disturbed by the statement and we have planned our strategy on what to do if the Mentri Besar does not apologise and retract the statement,” he said. - source

You UiTM students really did it. You took a shitty institution and turned it into the pinnacle of racism. You act as if we non malays are going to your stupid institution for a piece of your dumb knowledge. No siree. Sorry to say this, but acting as if your institution is like the next best thing since sliced bread and thinking that every living thing from cockroaches to the big foot wants to study in your dumbfuck institution will not make your institution any better.

I wonder how far your fucking university tops in that list of 10,000 best universities in the world? I bet there's not that many universities who can lose to your dumbfuck place but still you think of your place as the best fucking place since heaven. Personally, I don't know anyone who graduated from fucking UiTM and if I do in the future, guess what.. you just skewed my perception of them... from being a dumbfucktard to an extremely racist dumbfucktard.

To all you UiTM idiots, you can stay in your fucking place. Make it exclusive and rot with whatever knowledge you have there. Dun worry, my kids and all my friend's kids who are non-malay will never go there. You can have that fucking place all by yourself. Enjoy.

p/s: This is for google. UiTM, Malaysia, UiTM best, UiTM kelayakan, Non-malays in UiTM, UiTM kemasukan, UiTM HEP. hopefully, you'll search your way here. fuckheads.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

.501 unbuttoned.

remember that sexy Levi's advert I was talking about?





-------------------------------

.malang tidak berbau.

aku dapat msg hari ini dari seorang yang aku tidak kenal. nombornya 016-41900**

"hello jimmy, boleh kita berkawan?"

bangga pulak aku. entah siapa yang baik sangat ni teringatkan aku dan hendak mengenali aku.

aku berfikir panjang sebelum menjawab dgn hati yang ikhlas, jujur dan penuh kasih sayang "who the f*ck are you?".

dia menjawab... "Nini."

"Fuck off idiot, you're extremely dumb. You should die a horrible death and i hope you get AIDs cause the world dun need anymore of YOU. Sorry. Bad Day." jerit aku kat handphone aku.

malang tidak berbau, kesian budak tu.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

.tagline konon.

My company is a credit repossessing company, recently HR wants the staff to come out with a tagline for our company. Something like AirAsia's "Now everyone can fly" or Wan Hai's "We Carry, We Care".

I think its part of our Corporate Branding Strategy. A few ideas pop out of our head:

XXX Control (M) Sdn Bhd
You bayar, I buka.

XXX Control (M) Sdn Bhd
No money, no talk.

XXX Control (M) Sdn Bhd
We are not "along", we are just want to "tolong".

Amacam?

Friday, August 8, 2008

.things that baffle me.

Part 2.

Roller Sneakers
It isn't everyday you get to hang out at the supermarkets and departmental stores looking at families bringing their whole brigade. What irks me off is the dumb creation of Sneakers with those one wheeled rollers at the heel. Who the f*ck came up with the idea? I feel like extending my leg and tripping these pre-puberty rempits face down. If you notice, most of these shoes are only worn by spoilt brats whose mummy and daddy are too dumb to recognize a hazardous creation. Their parents must've thought that these shoes will teach their kid road safety and avoid them growing up to be stupid death defying brainless rempits. Their family and their near lineage should cease procreating. Darwin's theory wtf.

Sitting toilet bowls.
For thousand of generations, we've been squatting to shit. why sit now? Sitting is usually connected with Eating, Reading... you know, the whole lot of brain stimulating activities like talking, listening, courting chicks, watching football... Now, they want us to associate it with shitting. What next? Sleeping toilet bowls? That'd surely take the fun out of our missionary position. idiots.

tbc...

p/s: looks like i'm not the only one noticing the trend of bloggers going all material poopsy. eyeris here too. i mean, why like suddenly every known blog is blogging about SCARLET, LEVIs, OREO.. fucking shit liddat. wtf is wrong with you people? I freaking hate Scarlet and LG.. as in the brand. They never made anything good. Name on thing that they're best in? HP pun kalah, LCD screen pun kalah, Notebook pun kalah... what? What? WHAT?

Also, I hate Oreo. Like fuck only. Chocolate with vanilla shit. Ever since Oreo came out, we had Oreo slushee, Oreo Ice Cream, Oreo shit... I think they wan to dominate the world with their next Oreo Set Lunch.

Levis pulak... I kinda love. :)

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

.temptations.

god, give me the strength to resist material temptations.

1. Live Unbuttoned Levi's 501. yummy advert.
2. Onitsuka Tigers.

p/s: I've just enrolled in a Jap class. Why Jap? Why not? Next language... French.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

.things that baffle me.

Part 1.

Teenagers with boppy overdressed anime lookalike attire.
There comes a few times in my journey of my life where I regret looking at teenagers nowadays wearing overcoats and make up with metal wires/rings slinging around all over his/her attire. They're like mini anime characters only without any anime affiliation. They think they look cool with their oversized overbooked overheavy coats and makeups but what they really resemble is a dead crab trying to pass off as an oversized lobster. i pity the heat their body has to take under all that layers of clothing. Their parents must've been real proud of them cause they're like born without sweat glands wtf.

mini cliche lovey-dovey IM shoutouts.
wtf is wrong with you people? somebody kill me and drop me into eternal hell cause if god made hell, it would be spluttered with ODs of lovey dovey cliche shoutouts. Get a room or get a life. Whatever you have to say, you is privately says itssssssss!

people who own a Mac and think they're the coolest thing on earth since ice age.
I own a Mac thus does that make me the coolest thing on earth since the ice age even though i'm a secret closet retarded fucking cheapskate manwhore? NOOOOO. So shut up and stop thinking Iphone/Ipod/IMacs are the biggest thing on earth since your mama's gigantic butt. IMacs/IPods and Iphones are no different from any other freaking PC/Dell/Sony wtf...

People who quote Naruto and Bleach and start doing hand signals hoping that they would sprout superpowers from their arse or worse.. a gigantic frog would appear and fire would come out from their mouth.
wtf.... you is dumbaaaasssss. Obviously overdose of these shits are no good. Every Tom, Dick and Harry is watching it and people who go agoooggooogaagaaa over them shurikens, headbands or whatever the fuck Naruto/Bleach accessory is a real fucktard.

tbc...

Saturday, August 2, 2008

.monthly robbery.

Everytime I take out my salary and deposit it back into another bank... I feel like dying and killing myself. I mean, all those days of working all lost in 1 minute (both banks are neighbours wtf).

I is angry wtf!




Shit, why do I feel like I'm robbed every time I do this. Its like there's some robber waiting to take your cash as soon as you step out of the ATM room. Only, they're legal. wtf. damn "tak boleh jalan".

I is robbed wtf.

Friday, August 1, 2008

.emo.

hanged out at Coffee Bean y'day with LovelyYin and MiniMars.

Was expecting some kind of happening event or at least some kind of discussion. Turns out both of them damn emo can? Sit there doing nothing complaining about life and the countless amounts of Aunties walking in and out of the opposite karaoke pub.

I join in and begin to feel emo myself.

Damn it.

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Anyway, long awaited pictures of my accident here and here.




Shit... emo x 2 now...