Monday, July 31, 2006

.what happened to god?

two days ago, that is on Saturday, i was at St. Anne's. Oblivious to the tragedy that happened to a bus of pilgrims.

i mean, isn't it weird?

these devout followers who were on their way to a place of worship was killed in a freak bus accident. I mean, the bus swerved and fell into a ditch, either by mechanical malfunction or human negligence, it's not important. the important thing is that they died. i mean some of them.

what did they do to deserve such treatment? if god was up there, shouldn't he/she be watching over the people that cherish them? shouldn't they be protecting them instead of letting bad things happen?

i mean, these shit happen all the time. people on their way to a house of god and kaboom.. they're dead.

don't give me all that god loves them more than us bull crap or god is testing them bullcrap. god can test a lot of people in a lot of ways and i don't believe this is one of the more suitable methods.

sometimes, there are things that we can't explain happen. like that kid who was kidnapped by his own uncle (i believe) and killed. he was young and naive. what did he do to deserve it?

a lot of things happen and there's only two words that i believe can describe this phenomenon in the whole dictionary....

shit happens.

and we pray usually because we wish for something. and we want something. or we need something. some people pray for that chick next door to look at him one more time and give him a blowjob. others pray for eternal life.

there's also the more suitable and reasonable ones like people praying for their parent's well being, their loved ones safety, etc...

a lot of unexplained things happen in this world. and a lot of innocent lives are killed everyday. i don't believe god loves them more than others or god is testing us. i believe it's part and parcel of life. and life goes on.

it's strange how these things happen to us when all these time we talk as if these things happen to other people only. like they're the kind of things that other people have and we will never experience.

but it does happen to us. and when it hits you, we usually would think that time would stop as life stopped. we think that "THAT one life" meant more to the world than it did. we think that the world is supposed to stop to let them go. but it doesn't. we would be amazed at how insignificant they are. people still go to work. there's no public holiday. life still goes on, people come and they go back to their happy family and they sleep over it.

no matter how insignificant one's life is. always remember that you are the one who make someone immortal. they live on in our memories and they fade as we forget. as a part of us dies. and along with us, we take them together.

so, unless everyone who remembers "YOU" dies, you still live on. life is not immortal and life is fragile... but we live on longer than we expect.

Monday, July 24, 2006

.work is what i make of it.

i've been hanging around having the time of my life long enough. i guess it's about time i settle down and get a job. life without work for these past few months has been a blast and an adventure. but i've learnt quite a couple of things. maybe not work related but definitely life-changing.

i'm still oblivious to what i want to be when i reach 28. i'm still unsure of my career path.

but i think i have a direction and i guess i just have to follow those directions. yes, there's more than 1. maybe 2. that's why i said i'm not sure.

i've written my resume for a particular company but i haven't submitted it in yet. i guess i still need to get my picture taken. maybe tomorrow. maybe later.

life is very short to make mistakes. and if i do make one today, i hope one day, i'd be able to wake up and go back to where it started.

don't ask me about my life. just carry on...

Friday, July 21, 2006

.fillers.

i've went to KL and basically i came back with nothing.

now i'm in JB and i'm going to SG tomorrow to get my nano.

I'm smiling from ear to ear. gadget and boys heh.. "_^

meeting my cousin in sg and my friend in sg tomorrow... maybe tonight.

then hopefully, the sg mega sale is still on.

my life is in a bliss.

there's a concert ticket giveaway on Sunday. I wonder whether i should stay until sunday and get the tickets before heading back to Penang. Damn it. I hate decisions.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

.my friend the fat black head.

sometimes i think i need to admit that my vivid imagination kind of gets me carried away. and if not for my distinct sense of shame, i would've been doing silent chop kicks and karate stuffs in the middle of the street. much to the surprise and awe of the public i must admit.

now, i have a friend... let's call him fat black head. and he's kind of money minded. i mean, much to my surprise he asked me to help him do some chores and he says the money is insufficient. so he asks me to pay some for him first and he'll give it back to me later.

well, i trusted him and because it's not a very big amount of money; i didn't care much and thought less about it.

however, after that; i met him somewhere and you know what he told me?

the fucker said..

"jimmy, i owe you 20 bucks right? you want me to pay back ar?"

he continued "i think you owe me more than that wei... if you want me to pay, today's dinner on you. everything."

the dinner is not some cheapo stuff ok? i think it all amounts to about 50 bucks.

i mean, what did the fucker have for balls? and brains?

i think the only time i owe him was when he took me out for an outing. he was the driver and it wasn't even his car nor his petrol.

and the other time we both said we were hungry and he fetched me there, but i think i all his tabs were on me that during dinner. so i think that's that.

i think what he meant by "i owe him more than that" is for all the hp downloads that i took from him. i need to pay my friend for hp songs or videos? what kind of a fucking friend is that?

i remember once he wanted to give me a ringtone and i said ok..

he asked me to belanja him mocha or cannot take the download.

i straight away said "no" but i think the amount of people there made him ashamed of his words and he tried to beam the song to me.

but it couldn't get through because of format incompatibility anyway.

what kind of a friend asks money for ring tones?

knnbccb.

sometimes i feel like confronting him and telling him to fuck off.

i always imagined what it would be like to grab a bottle from the table and smash his fucking head. and then when he falls down from the impact, i'd step on his cheebye tummy and throw 50 bucks on the floor. and then i'd say to him...

"money ah? money ah? you want money ah? nah.... 50 bucks for you.... now get the fuck out of my face. our fucking friendship (if it's called one) ends here."

i dunno why but in the end of my imagination... i always come out the triumphant one.

serves the fat black head right. miniscule pea brain mother fucker.

Monday, July 17, 2006

.filler post.

vernacular english vs standard english
by - lurvegwen
a teacher (lovely) talks about the effects of the singaporean government's decision to bring in native english speakers. it seems that the government (MOE) has this illusion that native speakers have better english thus they can teach better. listen to this lady bash out some well deserved comments about this matter.

post world cup comments in mamak stalls
by - simon
simon talks about those mamak stalkers who are still caught in post-world cup fever. it is certainly a true if you have avid world cup followers in your gang of friends.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

.screwed.

"PLUP, PLUP, PLUP"

that was the sound my car was making as i was halfway back from fetching my sister. she's got her usual round of tuitions. as does every 17 year olds in this country.

the only problem with a sister is... you can't trust her yet to go on her own pillion riding on a friend's bike.


anyway... i screeched to a halt and asked my sister to go down and take a look. she said it was nothing.

i continued and the sound is still prevalent.

i got pissed off and decided to go down and have a look myself.

there, in my utter shock and disbelief was a screwdriver... the one where you find them in motorcycles with reversible heads. either cross or straight..

and this screwdriver comes without a handle.

now that i think of it... it does. it has finally found a place to lodge it's cross ass into my tyre.

my level of pissed off is roughly equivalent to 100% now!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

.gas leak.

monday night was just any other night. except this time i decided to while away my night since i'm not going to be sleeping in my room anyway. (read previous post). thus i had to be able to feel some sort of fatigue before slumping down on to the futon look alike mattress.

i decided to continue my book. marian keyes - the other side of the story.

and then something hit me. it was a smell. i smell i've been familiar with.

OH MY GOD. it was the gas. and to think that it has travelled all the way upstairs into the air conditioned room. the floor below must've been flooded with this foul thinking smell.

i cripped downstairs, slowly as not to entice any sparks of flame. i mean, if i were to shout or jump about, my family could have heard me and switch on the lights.... and burn the fucking house down in the process. i couldn't switch on any lights but thank god, it wasn't dark. at least not very dark. some of the lights were already lit.

i walked down the stairs and slowly opened the doork to my kitchen. a foul smell rushed out and hit me like a storm of tsunami. i couldn't help it but i think i felt nauseous. the smell is just overwhelming.

i quickly went over and checked the gas. nothing's wrong. it's all turned off. i wonder whether it could have been a burst pipe. which could be even worse.

and then i noticed that the smell was not coming from the gas stove. i tried to trace the smell and found it extremely strong near the fridge.

could there be a gas leakage from the fridge? i wondered?

then i held out my hand and opened the fridge.

i felt the same wave that i did when i opened the door.

and then it suddenly hit me.

it was the DURIAN my mom bought and kept in the tupperware.

it's simply amazing how durians can smell like gas leaks. fuck.

Sunday, July 9, 2006

.grandma.

my grandmom has hopped over to our place and decided to bunk in my room. not with me of course.. that will be *yucks*... *ewww*

anyway, i prepared the room for her and said adieu to my beloved queen sized soft bed and hello single foldable mattress rock solid floor.

i mean, my grandma is ok. but she talks a lot. and that's ok too... if only i understand 80% of the words coming out of her mouth. she speaks a very deep accent of teochew while i speak a very soft spoken hokkien. *as if*

anyway, with her bunking in my room, i doubt i'd be able to get a good night's sleep on the rock hard solid floor.

and i'd have to wake up early to charge my phone before hitting out to work. (yes, i'm working now... kinda... in a family business.)

i have to come back early to bathe cause my stuffs are in my room and i have to wait until she wakes up to get my early morning bath. usually the morning baths are not a problem cause she usually like wakes up at 5 am.

which makes me wonder... how does she do that?

ever since she came, everything's been a little bit easier and a lot harder. and i'm beginning to dread any day she walks in through the door with a luggage.

Friday, July 7, 2006

.lost memories.

"mom, dad, i want mimilo.."

that's what i heard a young boy telling his parents. i guess the parents could be young.. roughly around 25-30 years old. and the toddler is so cute. probably i have that perception because his parents are a beautiful pair too.

"sure? ask kak to buy for you"

and with that dismissal, the responsibilities of a father just evaporates. it is now up to the maid who is holding the baby while the parents are having ais-kacang and asam laksa... to go get this cute toddler a pack of milo. the maid was standing up beside the table and holding the kid.. not sitting down with the rest of the family. something to do with status differentiation?

and she comes back with a pack of milo and the kid sips it enthusiastically. trying to tell his dad that he loves the drink.

the dad was receptive of his son's comments but nevertheless, there wasn't much adoration or coo-ing around. just the usual ...

"is it? nice ar?"

i know these pair.. they own a side corner restaurant which is quite famous in our area. his skills are FAST. i mean, i think young people always work faster but i have to admit, he was good.

the restaurant are usually full on a saturday night but on weekdays, it's not that bad also.

anyway, i was looking at these couple and the way they are handling their child. they're busy during the night.. no doubt. and they are most probably tired during the day. my bet is that they sleep all the way till the late sunshine. maybe around 12 or 1pm.

i look at the cute toddler and wondered whether i would treat my child the same exact way as this couple...

it's easier throwing the responsibilities and getting a maid to do everything but kids really grow up so fast... and the memories they have ... should be limited.

i thank god i never had a maid to care for me when i was small... this way, i remembered the hardship i had when i was small.... every little thing from the moment my parents came back through the door after a hard day's work and my feeling of anticipation watching that door.

but maybe if i did have a maid taking care of my every whim... i might still be looking at the door with the same feeling..? who knows?
blood is thicker than water?

i doubt that... imagine finding out that you were adopted when you reach 20... wouldn't your dad still be your dad? will the presence of a real parent change the way you feel for this couple who have stayed with you and showered you with love?

as i walk away... i take a look back at this family. they look like a well functioning happy family.

but i wondered if he (the toddler) would remember today better if he was sitting there with his parents enjoying ice-kacang together.

Thursday, July 6, 2006

.green book of trouble.

"shit, i can't find her passport"

and that my friendly blogders could be the last few words that came out of my mouth before a day of catastrophe.

i can't eat well, can't sleep well, i was constantly tired and restless at the same time. i think mental disturbance is more powerful than physical pain.

yes, did i mention that during this point of catastrophe, i have a distorted leg due to a flying kick during futsal on Tuesday night? i didn't? well, now you know.

with one leg throbbing in pain... i gathered all my energy and drove my MANUAL Proton Saga all the way up and down town searching for the illusive green indonesian passport.

during this ordeal, i have to say that there were a LOT of people breathing down my neck cursing my stupidity and irresponsibility and also carelessness. needless to say life was a breathing ball of fire.... and i was caught in flames at that time. imagine the pain.

however, i have to say that these ordeals have taught me a lot of things. primarily, never ever FUCK up... in the case that fuck ups do happen.... take solace that it's a company where you're the boss... or you're the son of the boss.

however, if you're not... you're in deep trouble. i mean, trouble so deep it'll reach the devil.

anyway, if anyone loses his/her maid's passport. don't fret too much. it won't cost an arm and a leg but it'll be really troublesome.

whoever that took that green little book of trouble.. i have this to say to him/her:
i hope your family constipate and puke for 1 whole month.

unless, it's me or my family... then that's a different story all together.

Tuesday, July 4, 2006

.tossing the coin of fate.

i'm in the middle of a dilemma. one side of my personality wants to go out... get a job and experience the world. coprporate world. this means i might have to move out of this cocoon i'm staying in right now and get out into the danger and independent zone.

i know it's not too difficult to get out and move away cause i've been living out of this cocoon for 5 years now. albeit a rough but sweet 5 years i must add. i've learnt a lot of things in these 5 years like bills, rubbisgh, negotiating with stubborn landlords, dirt... lots of dirt, food, transportation and basically all those nitpicks that we just relied on other people and seem to neglect it.

now, don't get me wrong, the main problem is and will never be the issue of moving out. but its the choice of getting out into the corporate world.

my mom and bro wants me to get to know the family business before moving on to the corporate world. they said at least i know what to do in the company should the need arise. and i guess working for the family company is not too bad either. but maybe i prefer a more active lifestyle, writing for instance. i love writing and although grammatically, i could never be perfect... yet... i know practice makes perfect. i don't know. at one side, i want to go out and prove myself. another i want to indulge in the family business and run it successfully.

i guess choices are never easy for anyone.

i gotta ponder on it some more. whatever choice i make, let's hope it's for the better.
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heads or tails?

anyway, here's something for the world cup boys... [here] and [here]

have a gud day.

Monday, July 3, 2006

.post it.