.sanctuary of thoughts.

water, mizu. that's what they call it in japanese, mizu.

hontoni sugoiidesune.

yes, i love water. the sound of it splashing on my body. i love hiding myself in the shower at times. wondering what to do with life. thinking about the myths of life and solving the problems in this world. I succumb under the splash which washes me of my dirt and cleanses my soul.

flowery right?

anyway, i just love bathing. it's not just the act of showering myself with tons of water. it's the feeling of comfort i get whenever i submerge or feel the water flowing.

I treat my bathroom (albeit a bit dirrrrty....) as my sanctuary. my sanctuary of thoughts. this is the place where i go to when i am troubled.. except the bank or my room. I love the silence that I get in a bathroom. I don't know why but it somehow refreshes my energy. it won't matter much if i emerge the way i went it (without any revelation or solution to any problem) but just by being in the bathroom, the silence is nice. a change from the buzzing world i live in.

i have problems at my age. i used to think that the world is carefree ya know? that almost everything is as easy as picking up grass from the roadside. I used to think that the world might die, but it won't die in my time, so what's to bother?

but i'm wrong. life isn't easy. there's hardly any grass at the roadside, even if there is, time is too limited for me to stop my car and get down so that i can pick up a grass. and the world might not die in my time but it could in my child's time.

whenever i'm in the shower, i think about the past, the present and the future. usually more on the present. but still i was in the bathroom just now. having my bath after a haircut gone awry... i think my head is justifiable for a halloween mask!

back to the topic at hand..

i was having my bath when i thought about how long it has been since i stop time. Not as in stop time literally but stop time so that i can move slower. take things one step at a time. everything's moving so fast now. everything's one click away. gone were the days where i need to cycle to the morning market or night market. everyone gets it from the superstore now. those big gigantic air conditioned (this i applaud) superstore who has everything including your money and your time.

Time saving is an important factor now. We can no longer tolerate queues. We would take the extra mile just to avoid the queue. How many times did we stop to look at the rain, the sky, the bird, the dog next door who has been biting your god damn shoes..(sorry). everything's soooo fast paced. even the children.

we see children as young as 10 years old going to tuitions. swimming, piano and all sorts of classes. where's the fun in childhood?

What next? Constrain children to the house with their only viable source of entertainment, computer? I know the road is no longer safe, the field is no longer clean and pretty. i know education is important, i know all that. I was a child, a student, a teenager.. i was all that and maybe still am.

but i remember that the best memories are not the ones spent alone in front of the computer, or rushing to my tuition, swimming classes. The best days are spent with mom and dad, not going shopping in some supermarket or not even going to a long vacation.. the best memories are the small things like hearing them come back with food, bringing me to the market, taking us all out to the night market. even caning us.

those are the memories that we remember. i don't remember the days i spent with him in some superstore, but i do remember building the dog house, repairing the stairs, going to factories, eating nasi lemak or laksa in some road side stall.

will these places still be available for my kids? or do i have to take them to some superstore to get the best vegetables without even knowing who planted it. i don't make connections there. i don't bargain there. everything's fixed. even the memories. go, buy, pay , out.

time really passes by faster now i'm older but i hope i can stop to smell the grass once in a while, look at the trees and the skies once in a while. and smile once in a while too. then after that, maybe i need a long awaited rest knowing that all the beautiful things in life are free. and they truly are.
October 28, 2005


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