Friday, June 13, 2014

It wasn't all luck.

I'm extremely lucky to be alive. It wasn't without sacrifices or hurdles. And it wasn't without hope.

I admit, it was a real stroke of luck for me to be able to write this but I just want people out there to know that it wasn't all luck. It takes a lot of things for me to be alive...

I was diagnosed with this disease when I was born. At 7 weeks old, I had an operation which was extremely dangerous at that time and although the operation was a success... I was told my days are numbered. My dad did once told me I might not live past 12. I didn't realize the complexity of the situation because I was only 7. I took it as a shorter life which means I must do everything faster, better and not repeat whatever I had done. It wasn't a good motto because I didn't do anything faster, I procrastinate. I didn't do anything better, in fact up until now I think I still do things which I think I could've done better. I repeated. I never learnt my lesson. Sometimes I keep repeating my failures.

I had my fair share of mischief and food journeys which when I think back, was rather dangerous and stupid. I was a teenager and I was expected to make mistakes and dabble in mischief, but I didn't know I was very different. When people spent their days into the wee morning at 3AM, I wasn't supposed to. When people smoke, I'm supposed to avoid them. I didn't. When people drink, I'm not supposed to join. Sometimes I did. It was all a big mistake.

But I never gave up on life. I never stopped life because of I couldn't see what was coming. I didn't stop life because I was hallucinating. I wanted to live more than anyone else. I knew it was bad, I just didn't know it was life-stopping bad.

People beside me kind of know I was at the edge of life. My mom wanted to donate half of her liver and if all else fails, she was prepared to sell our property so she can take me to India or China for the operation. I never thought of that as a possibility. I never wanted my mom to donate her liver even if it meant saving my life. I would never accept the threat of death to another person just so they can save another person. That is not a winning situation. If it was a poker game, its a bad calculation.

I wanted to wait. I believed I still had time. If it indeed was my time, I hope I didn't suffer.

By the third time I was suffering from encephalopathy, I was prepared. They say it gets better but at that time, I was prepared for the worst but I hoped for the best. Hope kept me alive.

My family kept me alive, my friends gave me hope, the people around me saved me. And for that I am grateful.

Life is always hard people. We keep getting strokes of shit at times. It wouldn't be always smooth sailing. We persevere not because we must but because we believe. We hope. Hope is a four letter word and all four letter words are OHSEM.

0 commented: