A new beginning.


I woke up in a blur. I don't know if it was my eyes or because I'm not wearing my glasses but everything was white. The whole room. it took some time to accustom myself to the colours. I could see the lines from my hand and my neck as well as my tummy. i was on at least 10 different lines.

it took them three days before they moved me to the high dependency ward. i heard some people took a week or more but since there was another operation pending, i had to move out sooner. HDW, was boring. i can still remember groaning and etching my face in pain after every movement. walking didn't happen for a few days. i could only smile and talk. everything else was hard.

within a week, some of the lines were down and there was water in my lungs. i had a line into my lung to drain out the water. again, i felt pain in every movement. the morphines helped but i found myself relying on it too much sometimes. i wanted to wean it off and slowly i did. my wound was still bleeding and it was still open. the wait was horrendous. the heal just wouldn't close after weeks and sometimes, it gets worse.



by the second month. i had to re-suture my wounds. it was a painful experience and again i find myself relying on a lot of morphine. it took me almost a week to regain my composure and drop off the morphine.

now two months later, i'm still visiting the hospital everyday to clean my wound. they're closing but a few stubborn ones are taking longer than expected. i can walk better and regain some semblance of a walking posture now. before this, i was just an old slouching grandpa moving like a snail.

i still wear my mask wherever i go. i still avoid sick people and i probably will for the rest of my life. i'm replying my e-mails now and watching more movies. i'm also eating better. life is fragile. i might not know when there will be rejection of my new organ but i'd be god damned if i don't live my life better and enjoy my life more.

take care people. the third part of this trilogy will be posted once i figure out how to get things 'NORMAL' again.




p/s: my radial nerve is not healed yet though. my left hand side thumb and index finger are still numb.


Comments

pelf said…
Yeah Jimmy, life is fragile. While some of us live life just by merely existing, some of us are trying against all odds to live a meaningful one.

I will continue to send happy thoughts good vibes your way.

Get well soon :)
Jimmy Ang said…
Pelf, when are you going to start blogging again? Come on la, it's 2014! :) Love ya always!
Shallinee Raman said…
It was such a heartfelt post.
I pray with every beat of my heart that you heal - fast, well and completely.
Optimism is truly beautiful. Keep believing. You have come so far. You must continue to.
Miss you lots.
-Shalu-

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