Wednesday, October 31, 2012

.the procedure.

the instructions were clear.

i headed up straight after notifying the casualty counter. room 8D10. it's an isolation room. the room would be bare. i've been inside before. that was years ago.

as soon as i reached the ward, the nurses prepped me. notified the doctor and took my measurements. up till here, everything was still fine. then the inevitable happened. they need quite a large number of tests done. they took blood samples from my vein and artery. the artery sample was the worst of the lot. it's deep inside. and it's really hard to find. i think it's a procedure i wouldn't want to go through again. after that, we did an ECG. they detected a slight murmur.

the doctors came in by turns, first the general doc. she asked me simple questions and prepped me for the whole blood sample. second, the psychiatrist i suppose. he told me about the dangers, the effects, the aftercare and basically the life threatening situation. then the head of department came in and did a normal checkup routine and asked me about my current condition. they need to make sure i'm not infected or sick at the moment. the anesthetic doc was supposed to visit next but i went down for an x-ray first. a chest x-ray.

then they prepped me with some swabs, dettol, mouth gargle and edema which was supposed to be inserted up your ass to clear your intestines. i was not really looking forward to that.

the psychiatrist came to find me in the nick of time to tell me the liver is not suitable. the docs apologized countless times. i was the one who felt should apologize because in one hand, they came into the hospital at 3-4 am. in the other hand, i can't help but feel guilty at a slight pang of relieve it was cancelled.

i know i have to go through this. if not for me then for the people i love.

p/s: on a side note. happy halloween.

image from chikumakanagaki

Monday, October 29, 2012

.on hold and waiting.

image by unknown

I was cruising down the highway at a constant speed of 110-120 km/h  It was late. Almost feels like a dream when I think back. The roads were well known and I've traveled this journey a couple hundred times. This time it feels different though.

3 hours ago.
The phone rang. An unknown number from KL called. I pick it up, it was the hospital. They told me they have it. They ask me to not do anything but they might call me in anytime. I think there's a problem here somewhere, how could they call me to tell me about a potential life threatening cum life changing event that could pop up in a couple of hours and ask me to NOT DO ANYTHING yet. Nonsense right? I went into my room and cleared my stuff, packed my bags. Just in case.

1 hour ago.
The phone rang again. This time, he said... 'We're sorry Mr Ang. The liver is not suitable'. I was kind of relieved. Lied down on my bed and prepared to sleep.

30 minutes ago. 
The phone rang again.This time I knew it was happening and indeed it did. They called me in. I put my stuff in my bags, made sure everything is in order and we began the journey.

On the road.
Its amazing isn't it. What could happen in 4 hours. From planning your life to leaving everything behind for a life threatening cum life changing event. Sometimes I wonder whether these restrictions I'm giving myself right now like putting most of the things I love ON HOLD is the right decision. I have been delaying my photographic journey for quite some time. I think back now and wonder whether it's just a pitiful excuse. There are always more than one way to look at this thing, pulverize it through with determination or sit down with a cup of coffee and wait for things to happen as they should.

I can't plan my life right now. It has kept me thinking though... not planning my life is one thing. Not LIVING my life is another. I shouldn't give up and put everything on hold till after the operation. I should instead love more people, know more things, shoot more pictures, make more memories and laugh more often.

Oh, and what happened as soon I reach the hospital? That's another story tomorrow.

.random lessons.

When we look down, we know how big we are. When we look up, we realize how small we are. When we look in front, we see the obstacles and l...