Monday, July 30, 2012

.feelings grounded.

Dear blog,

 It's been a while since I wrote. I wrote plenty, a long list of short personal opinions and writeups and writeups of my work. Never about the feelings that connect and ground me. I guess this post is a long time coming.


A few days ago, a girl told me something that I've known quite a while. How habitual I could be. I'm never one to break new grounds, to break routines but I never realized how dependent I am sometimes to the rules that govern my everyday life. Early morning meals at a designated place with the designated order. As I sit down with a bowl of noodle and a jelly, I read on my cellular about the things I wonder about. About the changes that I am out of touch with. 10 years ago, I was amazed at how fast personal computers evolve. Today, I am amazed at how fast cells evolve. Nothing revolutionary yet but I believe tablets will be the way forward. People will want to consume media in a larger medium than a 4 inch screen. These are things I read about. It has nothing to do with my work or my interest. It has nothing to do with logistics or fashion or art.


I got a call the other day from the transplant team. They called me in. I told them I had a cough and they cancelled me. I will have to wait but my days are numbered. I wonder how long I can keep this body going without a transplant. It seems so normal but many things can fuck up in a blink. Don't you think so? I don't want the transplant to come so fast but it seems inevitable and there's no way to count the days, it will be soon. I hope to be able to endure it. I always had.

.random lessons.

When we look down, we know how big we are. When we look up, we realize how small we are. When we look in front, we see the obstacles and l...