Monday, July 30, 2012

.feelings grounded.

Dear blog,

 It's been a while since I wrote. I wrote plenty, a long list of short personal opinions and writeups and writeups of my work. Never about the feelings that connect and ground me. I guess this post is a long time coming.


A few days ago, a girl told me something that I've known quite a while. How habitual I could be. I'm never one to break new grounds, to break routines but I never realized how dependent I am sometimes to the rules that govern my everyday life. Early morning meals at a designated place with the designated order. As I sit down with a bowl of noodle and a jelly, I read on my cellular about the things I wonder about. About the changes that I am out of touch with. 10 years ago, I was amazed at how fast personal computers evolve. Today, I am amazed at how fast cells evolve. Nothing revolutionary yet but I believe tablets will be the way forward. People will want to consume media in a larger medium than a 4 inch screen. These are things I read about. It has nothing to do with my work or my interest. It has nothing to do with logistics or fashion or art.


I got a call the other day from the transplant team. They called me in. I told them I had a cough and they cancelled me. I will have to wait but my days are numbered. I wonder how long I can keep this body going without a transplant. It seems so normal but many things can fuck up in a blink. Don't you think so? I don't want the transplant to come so fast but it seems inevitable and there's no way to count the days, it will be soon. I hope to be able to endure it. I always had.