Saturday, December 29, 2012

.I lost 21 hours.

The last thing I remember was going to work on Friday at 2PM. I woke up in the hospital at 11AM Saturday with no recollection of the past 21 hours and I saw Dr Ding from Island Hospital standing in front of me and my whole body strapped to the bed.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

.my new fixie - Grafa Transit.

As some of you might know, I've recently ventured into fixies. It's more of a fashion statement rather than the love for cycling. I've always wanted to go and hang out near the beach but driving and paying the toll to enjoy the view at the BORR seems a bit absurd. Thus' I've taken the leap and got myself a fixie.

Learning a fixie is not an easy feat. It takes a pretty hard toll on your body (knees, palm, butt, neck). I could've gone with other hybrids (road + mtb) but I just love the simplicity of a fixie. Been looking for a Leader 721/Kagero but got to know that a fellow friend of mine has the Grafa Transit. The Grafa Transit seems more like a hidden gem as it is really limited in quantity and not much of these framesets are in the market. Some people like the chrome, others just hate it. I personally LOVE the shit out of it. Maybe when I get bored of it, I might repaint it but for now... I can't stop looking at this beauty.

Grafa Transit frameset. Velocity Deep V wheelset. Vuelta crank. Wellgo pedals. Element Saddle by Velo. Nitto stem and dropbar.

Planning to get : Front brake just in case because Malaysian drivers are shit. Freewheel cog will only go in once I'm used to the fixed gear hub.

Friday, November 9, 2012

.this should be another journey.

Grafa Transit Pro 2010 frame. Getting it tomorrow. Going to ride the shit out of it.

brakeless. fixed gear. hipster wannabe. this should be the beginning of a new journey.

Other bike porn. 

Friday, November 2, 2012

.Sultan KL t-shirt review.

I've always been a fan of a good t-shirt and a snug pair of jeans with awesome sneakers. I don't think I'm trying to be a hipster but that has always been my style. (with a jacket usually). It's hard to get good quality jeans but I've always managed my lot from Levi's. I think for their price and quality, they're really awesome. I've tried EVISU and the likes of other brands but they're more of a trend cum brand statement than a good pair of jeans.

T-shirts on the other hand has been my love-hate affair. Some t-shirts are slim and long. Some are short and wide. It's hard to find the perfect fit. I noticed the Levi's plain t-shirt to be my perfect fit but they're too simple and I can't be wearing them all the time. I've tried some Quikkies and I admit they're a bit too tight and long for my taste. I don't know, maybe the industry should set like a standard definition for all these types so I can know which t-shirt not to TRY on. Padinis fit a bit weird. They're either trying to be too hipster (SEED, PADINI) or too casual (PDI). Both of them are either too snug or too loose. Let's not go into ZaraMAN (sometimes you get it sometimes you get those... 'Topman like' too tight t-shirts) but FCUK seems snug. Their t-shirt design is sometimes off though.

About half a year ago, I came across a really cool clothing company fit for Sultans. Not literally but their line is called Sultan KL. It's basically a simple concept but if executed well, should be rather interesting. Their products are not what I would call a variety but there's potential in them.

First of all, the pocket designs. They keep coming up with interesting pocket designs but that's where it ends. It's a simple concept like I said but it suits me well. I can't be purchasing hundreds of ringgits of merchandise from them but when I find the right design, I simply look at it in awe.

Second, the fit. I think the amazing thing about the size and quality of their products are seemingly how similar in quality and fit it is to the Levi's plain t-shirts. Believe me, I have 4 of them in my cupboard now and I've been wearing them for years. They actually feel the same when I touch the material. Here, I wonder whether they got it from the same supplier or ...?

I bought this particular pocket design

Third, the badge at the bottom right. When I first purchased it from them, I didn't know they had a big ass badge on the bottom right. Some people might like it but I desperately hate it. It seems like they're trying to plaster their brand on the front and gain brand recognition. I would've preferred it on the inside of the t-shirt. The small statement / brand placement under the pocket is cute and suits the whole subtle design of their product.

Lastly, for RM70 a pop, it's not really a bargain and might be a bit stiff. Seeing as they're selling it online (at least that's how I got mine), I feel as if there's not much overhead here working against them. The price could be cheaper I admit but it's more of a novelty than a necessity. I haven't had any friend's ask me where I purchased mine but I liked it. I liked wearing it, I liked supporting a Malaysian entrepreneur and I like the concept. I just hope that the price could be cheaper (cause I want to buy more but the price is holding me back now), I also hope that they could expand their line further with sneakers, bags, wallets, jeans...etc.

What are your thoughts?


Wednesday, October 31, 2012

.the procedure.

the instructions were clear.

i headed up straight after notifying the casualty counter. room 8D10. it's an isolation room. the room would be bare. i've been inside before. that was years ago.

as soon as i reached the ward, the nurses prepped me. notified the doctor and took my measurements. up till here, everything was still fine. then the inevitable happened. they need quite a large number of tests done. they took blood samples from my vein and artery. the artery sample was the worst of the lot. it's deep inside. and it's really hard to find. i think it's a procedure i wouldn't want to go through again. after that, we did an ECG. they detected a slight murmur.

the doctors came in by turns, first the general doc. she asked me simple questions and prepped me for the whole blood sample. second, the psychiatrist i suppose. he told me about the dangers, the effects, the aftercare and basically the life threatening situation. then the head of department came in and did a normal checkup routine and asked me about my current condition. they need to make sure i'm not infected or sick at the moment. the anesthetic doc was supposed to visit next but i went down for an x-ray first. a chest x-ray.

then they prepped me with some swabs, dettol, mouth gargle and edema which was supposed to be inserted up your ass to clear your intestines. i was not really looking forward to that.

the psychiatrist came to find me in the nick of time to tell me the liver is not suitable. the docs apologized countless times. i was the one who felt should apologize because in one hand, they came into the hospital at 3-4 am. in the other hand, i can't help but feel guilty at a slight pang of relieve it was cancelled.

i know i have to go through this. if not for me then for the people i love.

p/s: on a side note. happy halloween.

image from chikumakanagaki

Monday, October 29, 2012

.on hold and waiting.

image by unknown

I was cruising down the highway at a constant speed of 110-120 km/h  It was late. Almost feels like a dream when I think back. The roads were well known and I've traveled this journey a couple hundred times. This time it feels different though.

3 hours ago.
The phone rang. An unknown number from KL called. I pick it up, it was the hospital. They told me they have it. They ask me to not do anything but they might call me in anytime. I think there's a problem here somewhere, how could they call me to tell me about a potential life threatening cum life changing event that could pop up in a couple of hours and ask me to NOT DO ANYTHING yet. Nonsense right? I went into my room and cleared my stuff, packed my bags. Just in case.

1 hour ago.
The phone rang again. This time, he said... 'We're sorry Mr Ang. The liver is not suitable'. I was kind of relieved. Lied down on my bed and prepared to sleep.

30 minutes ago. 
The phone rang again.This time I knew it was happening and indeed it did. They called me in. I put my stuff in my bags, made sure everything is in order and we began the journey.

On the road.
Its amazing isn't it. What could happen in 4 hours. From planning your life to leaving everything behind for a life threatening cum life changing event. Sometimes I wonder whether these restrictions I'm giving myself right now like putting most of the things I love ON HOLD is the right decision. I have been delaying my photographic journey for quite some time. I think back now and wonder whether it's just a pitiful excuse. There are always more than one way to look at this thing, pulverize it through with determination or sit down with a cup of coffee and wait for things to happen as they should.

I can't plan my life right now. It has kept me thinking though... not planning my life is one thing. Not LIVING my life is another. I shouldn't give up and put everything on hold till after the operation. I should instead love more people, know more things, shoot more pictures, make more memories and laugh more often.

Oh, and what happened as soon I reach the hospital? That's another story tomorrow.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

.yes, I am fine and I love you all.

I'm getting better. Thanks for all the support. I wrote this on FB:

A big thank you from the bottom of my heart to all my friends who visited me in the hospital and at home while I was down with something. I'm recovering (again) and I'm more prepared for the things that will come. I'm sorry I couldn't be more fun. I'm sorry I didn't have time. My mind was really in a mess. A big hug to all my relatives who came down to the hospital and our home as well, my mother needed the comfort and support. You presence really meant a lot to us. Also, much love and thanks for all the messages of support I received on the phone. I love you all. Some more than others and others more than I should.

And I think it's getting more attention than it should. It was a thank you note. Not a notice. 

the truth is, I just want to be left alone most of the time. I don't want to be forced to reciprocate. Yes, you can text me, msg me or even radio me but if possible, please avoid calling me. Especially if you're planning to call around evening or night. It forces my body to react and fuck me silly if you think getting out of my routine, running to the phone and saying, 'Thanks for calling, I'm fine." is a great feeling. 

Do what normal people do, call me if you got something important, like if your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife cheated on you and you need a consoling hand on your boobies. Or call me if you've got freebies. Make plans for lunch tomorrow. Buy me food. Call me to tell about the impending tsunami or the red moon. Just don't call me to ask about my silly condition. If I'm not OK, I wouldn't post on FB that I'm recovering. I would probably write there...

Dear friends, I'm dying. I will update if there's WiFi there. In the meantime, I would advice against holding your breath for it. Please take care of my family. And Igor, don't forget my RM500. You have 3 days to bank in. I will shoot you since I've got nothing to lose anyway.

Kthnxbai. BTW, I love each and everyone of my friend. They're such darlings. My only regret is that I couldn't be a better friend to those I should.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

On the brink...

I'm yellow again. I was admitted since Saturday and I got a discharge just now. Not because I was healthy but because they can't do anything about it except refer me to Selayang Hospital.

During the tenure of my stay in the hospital, I met Dr. TJ Wong, the surgeon who was accompanying my surgeon, Prof Sumasundrom (sp?) during my 7 weeks Kasai operation. It seems I was the first successful Kasai operation in Malaysia. Here I am, almost 30 years old and I should be proud of myself.

But as we grow older, we want to live longer.

I was admitted for 4 days and I've never felt the love of a hot warm bath and the comfort of my own bed as deeply as I do now. My body wash is a Biore whitening body wash and its funny that no matter how hard I scrub, I just can't get the yellow under my skin out of my body.

This episode is not an infection, it is not cholangitis. This time, its the hepatic duct leading to the porta being narrow and getting stuck. They should be able to just remove the stones and the blockage but due to the fact that I'm under consideration for liver transplant, Dr TJ Wong, can't do anything about it. And from the brief conversation with Selayang Hospital, they have no choice but to wait for the liver transplant. They don't want to risk the infection or corrective operational risk this might bring.

I have no qualms with both decisions, god will decide. For now, I can only trust the doctors. The problem is, how much longer can my body hold on to this bile obstruction. If the blood results tomorrow come out stable, I should be able to hold on longer. If it gets worse, I might not have much time.

Mom, if one day you read this... I'm sorry you didn't get to go to Europe. I can't say it to your face, I feel ashamed but I promise you I will not take another step out of the country till I get you to Europe.

Unless of course you get the insurance refund then I'm absolved of all responsibilities... right? :)

I still love you mom. xoxo.

To the girl that worries about me, it is crazy how much I care about you now that I simply can't bring myself to hurt you anymore. I will see you soon and when I do... I will love you with all my heart and maybe more. :)

Monday, July 30, 2012

.feelings grounded.

Dear blog,

 It's been a while since I wrote. I wrote plenty, a long list of short personal opinions and writeups and writeups of my work. Never about the feelings that connect and ground me. I guess this post is a long time coming.

A few days ago, a girl told me something that I've known quite a while. How habitual I could be. I'm never one to break new grounds, to break routines but I never realized how dependent I am sometimes to the rules that govern my everyday life. Early morning meals at a designated place with the designated order. As I sit down with a bowl of noodle and a jelly, I read on my cellular about the things I wonder about. About the changes that I am out of touch with. 10 years ago, I was amazed at how fast personal computers evolve. Today, I am amazed at how fast cells evolve. Nothing revolutionary yet but I believe tablets will be the way forward. People will want to consume media in a larger medium than a 4 inch screen. These are things I read about. It has nothing to do with my work or my interest. It has nothing to do with logistics or fashion or art.

I got a call the other day from the transplant team. They called me in. I told them I had a cough and they cancelled me. I will have to wait but my days are numbered. I wonder how long I can keep this body going without a transplant. It seems so normal but many things can fuck up in a blink. Don't you think so? I don't want the transplant to come so fast but it seems inevitable and there's no way to count the days, it will be soon. I hope to be able to endure it. I always had.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Jimmy Ang Studio & Art

My photography site is out. You can learn all about the workings of my latest projects there:

Anyway, the weekends have been boring. Discussing a very exciting project with a dancer for a shoot this coming February. Also shooting the Yellow Brick Road's commercial paraphernalia around that time. So, I guess February's booked. March will be exciting. I might not have any projects so I'm thinking of slotting in a personal project somewhere in between.

Oh shit, need to go back to work and there's this couple I still haven't printed their album yet. So many things to do before CNY. Teeehee (learnt this new word from a very lovable girl).

.random lessons.

When we look down, we know how big we are. When we look up, we realize how small we are. When we look in front, we see the obstacles and l...