.losing your way.
image by observando
Sometimes the road we choose might lead us astray. I've made many wrong choices in my life and I'm still paying for them. But the right ones I made are worth the mistakes. There are over 6 billion people in this world and it amazes me how persistent they are to believe in themselves. Sometimes believing in yourself means having the courage to turn back, even if it's a long way back.
i slept early last night. right after i found out my feet were swollen. it's a symptom caused by liver failure and the lack of protein to retain water. i hope its temporary but still, this time something feels wrong. for a long time i never wanted to discuss about my condition, i was seven weeks old when it all happened. and 27 years of a story is a bit too long to summarize in a few paragraphs don't you think so?
i've made a few promises to god. mom made a few promises to god. we both did. and i have a feeling it'll be a hard time trying to keep up with these promises but it's easier than not living. i've always wanted to write a book and maybe in these times of complacency, i can manage the time to start off with one. how it all started, what it was like living life the way i did, dad, mom, family, friends, my vices and the wrong roads that lead me astray. also, the courage to finally stand back up each and every time an infection strikes.
now it's finally time I guess. to put me on the liver transplant list and pray for a suitable donor. all these years leading to this moment. all these years i knew about it. i knew it would come. but you are never really prepared for it. but i will fight my way back up. that i promise. i have so much more to live for. so much more people to love. so much more life left in me. and if i don't make it, i fought for it.
i guess in a way, i'm trying to say that if someone like me is willing to fight for a life that will be full of medication and immune suppressants, what's keeping you from changing your life? lead it the way you want and if you find out that the path you thought was correct is wrong... just have the courage to stand back up and find another path.
this is Jimmy signing out. take care.