.disconnected.

internet is back! woooooot!

today, i look at the future beyond me. and every time i ponder upon the uncertain future, i can't help but to think how many years more i have to come.

the doctor told my mom the other day that he has never met a case like mine who has managed to survive up until 24. i wonder whether that's a good thing or bad thing. in a way, i guess it's a bit of both.

i'm reaching 25. not much left i haven't done and not much i have done. the world of possibilities are still open to people in their 20's. people in their 20's don't really have to think about their future, usually they just enjoy the moment and plan for their life ahead. i, on the other hand think about the possibilities of a future.

it really sucks being me sometimes, having to be scared of every fever that comes my way. worrying whether it will affect my liver and make it dysfunctional.

however, during this whole ordeal, i don't think i ever prayed. i'm not much of a beggar, i strive for what i want and i'm fairly optimistic. my brain always works in ways like "it'll go away.", "i'll feel better tomorrow." or "it's just temporary."

i don't really want to experience this feeling anymore.