.transition.

it's 3.23 now. i don't feel like doing any work. my backlogs are piling up. but the nostalgic feeling of leaving the company starts to sink in now. my colleagues are planning to go and catch Transformers tomorrow and as much as I love the movie, I denied the invitation. mainly because i wanted to enjoy it when there are less people crowding the cinema.

i've never liked the thought of sharing a movie with strangers. i love the smell of popcorn in the cinema but not the crunching sound my neighbour makes when he/she munches on it. especially if it's some stranger i feel appalled at. i love watching a movie in very quiet conditions. i hate the sound of ringing handphones, of people talking, of legs shuffling, of people crowding and passing food or water. those small things irritate me.

i just heard a friend of mine will be leaving for Australia for a year. somehow I envy her. but at the same time I don't. a very complicated feeling but I love having a foothold and knowing where I'm gonna end up in. Once I know for sure where I love, what I want to do, I intend to stay there and feel safe and secure. all this job hopping is kinda getting old and making me lethargic. I just want to fall back on a safe bubble i can always rely on.

mom wanted me to go teaching but i have always resisted. i continue to triumph but my determination is dimming. teaching is not a bad thing, i mean, it's great... it's just not my thing. but the pros of teaching are certainly appealing to me now. the security, the comfort, the knowledge that I can do well in it. those appeal to me.

i'm beginning to push people away and staying in my comfort zone, i'm beginning to enjoy alcohol more than i'm supposed to and i'm beginning to search for companionship without commitments (friends with benefits?). cause commitment scares me. how can we be sure of something we can't foresee.

this is not good and it certainly reflects badly on me. i need more alcohol.

btw, sillySeng's birthday tomorrow.