.a review of Eragon.

from left to right : dumb gaylord, dumb king, broom, eragon the 16 year old fart, arya the unlucky 1000 year old gf of a 16 year old's fantasy, some half ass son of some half ass badass, evil but lonely king.

let me see now, in view that i watched this movie with a cap distorting my view of the movie (only the upper part), i'd give it my best shot not to be biased.

this movie revolves around a young farm boy... kinda like Clark Kent. but his name is ... OMG, ERAGON.

he has the brains of a facsimile machine. Cause he can't recognize a baby dragon when he sees one.
in the meantime, he found a mentor in the form of Obi-Wan Kenobi... kidding. but ohhh so similar to Star Wars. The mentor's name is Brom. One "o" short of Broom.

Similar to Harry Potter, the boy was cast a mark... but on his hands. the mark of a dragon rider.

bla bla bla.... the dragon must protect his rider... or if the rider dies, the dragon will too.

wtf kinda logic is this? i guess it's needed, if not, it'll be hell for humans. dragons will kill all humans and control the world.

whatever, they even have a dragon slayer sword. whatever the fuck for? as if your puny little sword can even have any chance to touch the skin of a dragon?
if i was a dragon, i'll blow you 5 meters away with my fire breath before you can even throw a freaking sword at me.

One thing also similar to Star wars is the fanatic boy decides to save Arya. an elven princess. see, those lucky bastards with the brain of a facsimile machine gets the beautiful fairy like princess. while the evil plotting cunning mastermind and ruler of the world gets stuck with a dumb gaylord who never gets his tasks done CORRECTLY.

i mean the dumb gaylord has like millions of fierce and violent minions under his control and he can't kill a ... i forgot... 16 year old boy?

it's not like he's protected by an army of 300 thousand men?
he's protected by a man named BROM! for god's sake, how hard can it be to kill a person named BROM and a 16 year old boy?

i suck like a porno star and i shoot like legolas's half ass brother

oh, forgot the fact that Eragon has a bitch dragon... which kinda like even the odds for the dumb gaylord? doubt it. the bitch dragon is like .... 3 days old..

i'd make a great investment for meat production. i grow this big in 3 days... without any beta-antagonist shit those lesbians use.

the producers decided to cut the story short and grow the dragon to enormous proportions through the use of magnificient cgi and prayers. praying that viewers will have the same brain that eragon has.

lightning strikes, dragon grows.... WOW!

fucking dumb movie.

but.... the mate who I watched this movie with makes it all worthwhile.

overall, i'd give the show a meagre 3/10 and the experience of watching the show 9/10.
December 27, 2006


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