.degree ++ my ass!

yeah, UTM is organizing Degree++ shit.

I can't wait to attend it.

I'm so excited and drugged.

Ignore the three sentences on top.

If that was me talking... shoot me in the limbs and hang me down from the Penang Bridge.

actually fucking UTM is forcing us good honest cute hardworking fifth year students to attend a fucking seminar which focuses on stupid minute irrelevant skills like...

urm.

"how to get yourself employed"

wtf is this? I wonder whether they teach the true gist of how to get ourself employed. the true secret would be ..

no.1 : know someone high up in the blood sucking corporate ladder.
no. 2 : fuck the managers brain out if they're of the opposite sex.

these two secrets will get you everywhere.

none of those wear smart and talk shit kinda bullshit will work.
If you can talk, you win. And some people who just can't speak English expect their English to suddenly improve after taking a 2 day course on "Communication". Fuck you!

Your English's gonna go nowhere.

Believe me, I've tried a semester of Japanese and in the end... i'm still struggling with nouns.

there are also bullshit courses which are offered... (there is a long list and we have to choose another 2 apart from the "how to get yourself employed")

I can see it all clearly tomorrow.

Slide 1 "Title : How to get yourself employed"

First of all, go into the company with some knowledge about the crap they're doing. After you're equipped with that knowledge, act like you know everything they're doing from A to Z. The only thing is, you learnt and got it all from their official website.

Second, attire. Wear a decent shit. Don't go for some jeans and t-shirt combination and expect yourself to get employed. That's just plain stupid. Heck, even I wouldn't hire you to suck my cock. Women, wear something revealing but professional. Men, give up.

Third, posture. Don't be a notre-dame. Don't be a wuss. Stand up straight, sit up straight and no matter what the examiner says... erect straight.
don't shoot though.

Fourth, speech. Talk professionally and eloquently. not like some dipwad with shit on your mouth.

Fifth, urm... be knowledgeable but not more knowledgeable than the person sitting in front of you. he/she'll feel threatened.

Sixth, don't jack off while you're at it.

Seven, be confident. don't look like a virgin. it'll screw your brains up!

Eight, an interview is a formal occasion. act according to the occasion. don't get all rowdy or too acquainted with the fucking people in front of you.

Nine, if the fella in front of you is having his cock sucked, ignore it. If the fella in front of you is having her vagina licked, ignore it. Don't ask for the same treatment or don't try to wink the fella below the table. don't even peep.

Ten, pray kuan yin "poh pee".
criticisms
March 3, 2006
5

Comments

Unknown said…
fuck the degree++, organize a "presentation" to introduce, mana tao THREATEN us to take part, cos fke is not compulsory but then don't black mail us with PTPTN thingy, fuck it. Talk nothing about degree++, say nth bout offered course.....even my company warn me not to wear formal when come first day to work....wear jeans somemore...see? different occasion mah....
Anonymous said…
Haha, nice one, Jimmy!!
akmj said…
jimmy, i know u're just downstairs and i'm upstairs... so how was the degree plus plus shit? luckily i registered for april 1st and 2nd... not wasting my precious time for some shit the freaking university decides to suddenly throw on us... hope the shit u went thru today was good shit though
Anonymous said…
hoho Nicely told. Those are great tips for interview. But to get a chance for an interview seems so hard for me. Sigh...
Jimmy Ang said…
surfnux : fear not... persevere.

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