.big changes, big opinions.

my mind is unusually crowded these days. i'm not going through a mid-life crisis am i?

it's really very hard going through transitions, especially when the changes depend on yourself.

i remember the last few big changes in my life. i mean, moving from a primary to secondary school was relatively easy. my parents decide where and why i would go.

the second time, it was a movement from secondary to tertiary. i mean, the first university i could grab my hands on, i go. it's not like i'm some rich brat able to choose from a plethora of colleges or overseas universities. my results are mediocre but nothing floppy. i deem it as passable.

at that time, it's very hard looking at other people my age with less than fantastic results going to larger than life colleges and universities. people getting to be lawyers, engineers, doctors, accountants and whatever shit they want. i don't envy those who deserve it but i certainly do envy those who don't but do get it.

whoever said life is fair should be shot and killed. and then raped and shot again. after that dragged around tied to a jeep. shot again (just to make sure).

people ranting about "bumiputeras" with less than perfect results going into universities while their child with perfect results not getting any opportunity should really just move to another country. it's less depressive. stop being a crybaby.

now, i'm again at a t-junction. this time, it all depends on me and who i want to be. it all depends on my abilities. i need to be able to smooth-talk my way into a job.

no one makes the decision now, and no one is forcing me to choose what i want to be now. however, it has all been decided from the first big change. my parents should know that, my path has been laid out the moment i enrolled into this course. but there's still a lot of path to choose from this road.

and i think that if it all fucks up from here, maybe... maybe i can just come back to this junction and choose again. maybe it's all that simple. maybe not. but optimism never killed anyone.


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