have you ever had an experience where you're in a relationship for so long that it just is convenient not to find new love?
well, love is indeed weird. it starts and begins with fiery lust. the experience is still new, everything is still new. you have still so many things to explore and learn from each other.
of course it helps that the courtship was still fresh.
you want to spend every minute, every hour, every living breath together with your counterpart. you even want to be breathing in the same box and the same air as your love. that's initial love. maybe that's love.
you still want to hold each other's hand and that small space in your bed is too big for two of you.
then as time progresses, you learn to live alone, live life and accept new friends. you learn that friends are supposed to be there with your lover. you start taking things into consideration, things you never thought needed considering previously.
friends are coming into picture now, things are taking centre stage. you suffocate if she comes too close. i mean, the love is still there, you still want to be there for each other, you're still possessive of each other, you still want to hold each other...
but the single bed is looking a lot smaller now. you want more freedom than you previously have. that's when love starts to take a turn.
and then there's the convenience, those happen when you start thinking that it's better to stick to this one before you find a new one. love just becomes something convenient right?
you still want each other but only at your disposal, you want her to be there when you want her, you want her not to be there when you don't need her.
you suffocate when you're too near her. you don't want to be too near her but still never lose sight of her. you expect her to listen and not lie. that big single bed is looking damn mighty small for two. you'd kick her down in an instant for a bigger bed.
you still plan everything with her, but it's no longer for her.
however, take a pause... isn't this how you feel for someone in your family also?
when love gets too close, does it become all too mighty familiar?
take a moment to pause and wonder how would you feel if you lose it all, if it will never come back. if you will miss her/him, it means your love is convenient, yes, like a family. you only feel their loss when you lose someone. you never appreciate them when they're there.
that's when you know...
OMFG, I'm FUCKING TRAPPED!