.i dedicate this post to selayang.

the number on my hand showed 1026. the number on the screen showed 1024. well, that was easy. i thought.

in a second... maybe a few minutes, it was my turn. i headed off to the receptionist and tried to get my name registered. the girl smiled at me when i said, "good morning". obviously there's much less hostility here. maybe the stress is a bit less compared to other government hospitals.

she took down my appointment card and checked here database. it seems i need to register with the nurse before being able to pay for the rm5 registration fees.

i mumbled, not about the inefficiency bu the trouble. she didn't seem to see me.

i saw sister biro. she was my saviour. my angel. she helped me and she always had this helpful aura and smiling face with her. i will always remember her smile and her demeanour which really appeals to everyone she connects with.

she told us to go down and take the ultrasound first. she even offered to ask someone to direct us there but i said it's ok, i already know the place. i know basically half of this place like the back of my hand.

i went down but i decided to stop by at the toilet first. i remembered the toilet. it was clean. not spick and span clean but clean nonetheless.

well, it's free. what do you people expect.

better than walking in and noticing a pile of shit cause the flush won't work.

i went down to get my ultrasound and waited for my name to be called. i sat there idle. whipped out my book and continued reading john langdon. he seemed to have all the adventures in life. i mean, as a professor as symbologist? i thought those geeks just read millionis of old books and decipher meanings and give meanings to things that might not even inteionally have a fucking meaning. but he was great. he even managed to get into one of the world's top scientific laboratory and witness the creation of big bang. wtf?

seems like a bit far-fetched but life's always a mystery.

i was tired after a few pages. i combined two chairs, lied down and slept like a pig. i was awokened by the sound of my name. damn, that's me.

i went in and got into the seat. slept down and waited for my scan. as the scan progressed, i heard her "your spleen's big."

"how big?" i asked.

"the normal size is roughly around 7-8cm, your's 15 cm."

"how bad is that?" i refused to let her go. i wanted to know more.

"depends on your blood result"

obviously, she isn't of much help.

then she moved on, "i can't see your gallbladder."

"it's been removed when i was 7 weeks old. the kasai operation." i said.


ohh? that's all she can say. i mean, a body part of mine. an internal organ was removed. one that created the situation i am in now and the danger i am confronting now... all she can say is ohh?

well, guess she's not feeling any empathy. she must've met soo many cases like this. maybe even worse.

"your liver has a rough modular surface. which suggest cirrhosis."

i decided to pursue this matter. "dr, on a rate of mild to chronic, how far would you rate my liver cirrhosis?"


the word stuck in my brain even until now. i wondered how long i still have. with such lack of awareness in organ donation among malaysians, when will it be my turn? oh well, it's god's will.

i just celebrated my 22nd birthday. when will be my last one? damn liver, hang in there!

well, after the ultrasound, i dragged myself out. i told my mom the truth. she has a right ya know. but i remained upbeat and postitive. she didn't seemed as upset anymore. i was glad.

we went up, told the nurse to register us in and i registered in the reg counter, paid the 5 bucks and went to wait... the doc came by a little later. i just found out that wednesday wasn't supposed to be a clinic day but since me and my mom and my sis came all the way from jb and penang, he made an exception. thank god!

he told me my previous result was ok. which i was glad but i wish he could have said that my results are improving. that i am recovering, that i will live a happy and healthy life soon. guess, that won't happen until i found miracles. maybe i will. yeah, right!

after the checkup, i went straight down to take my blood. i felt nothing on my way there. blood taking is not a thing for me anymore. it was normal, i've done it more than i can ever imagine. the ticle and prickle of the needle. many will squirm at the sight of it. many will cry feeling it. i was feeling non-chalant. maybe because as i progress, it has become a ritual, a norm.

use plaster lar next time! mahai!

mosquito bite lar!

after that i went down to get my meds. the place smells more human than medicinal. maybe because of the enormous amount of people waiting. maybe it's because i haven't bathed for the day. maybe.....

40 perosns more... maybe i should get coffee first.

after gathering my med, i told my mom i wanted to go to lowyat. it was jammed. i reached there at a price, and the price is 20 bucks. fucking ass.

wtf kind of advertisment is this? samsung can explain ar?

the reason i wanted to go to lowyat is because i needed to buy a thumbdrive cum mp3 cum voice recorder for my 40% assignment. it was unavoidable. i will post more about the thumbdrive when i have free time but it's a storm thumbdrive cum mp3 cum fm radio cum recorder. a bit bulky but the voice recording it seems, has a good audio recording adjustment function. costs me 299 with a free 128mb mmc card. the orignal storage was already 128mb. totals 256mb.

i thanked my mom for it. i know she has been handling financial problems with the new house and all. i know life is not as easy as it looks. nor is it that luxurious. but i really needed this. thanks mom. i owe you one. but haven't i always owed you one from the day i was born? if it accumulates.. i wonder how many millions of owes i already have for you.

owe you.... millions.

i walked back to pudu. the place was quite far. about 10 minutes walk but i decded to save the 2 dollars taxi fare. unfair to my sis and my mom, but it's just a while. besides, i wanted to walk... i treated them to a couple of cool drinks on the way there.

when we reached pudu, both of us headed our own ways, me back to jb, mom and sis back to penang. it's dangerous but she always insists to come. sometimes, its her alone. i worry for her but well, you know moms... they can never listen. i always make a note to call her when i reach here to make sure how's she's progressing. sometimes she'd call me.

as soon i reach jb... i headed to my room and took a light nap. it was 8 o'clock. and i was bummed out!
daily dose
August 25, 2005


bUttsH4k3r said…
i can see your family cares a lot about you.

i don't know what exactly to say, because i'm not in your situation.

just so you know, i'm a regular blood donor(though i still owe a hospital a bag of blood my grandma used up), and i've already signed up as an orgon donor. and i believe a lot of people are getting more aware.

hang in there, i think you'll be okay.


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