.getting bored with routine.

as you all know i am a retarded fucker. or in benglish. limpeh si retarded eh ginah ok? if you donch know, read the about me.

well, anyway.. the irritating part about being sick is not the sickness itself but the frequent treatments you have to endure in order to maintain your health. I'm sure those people who are sick or down with permanent diseases can understand my feeling.

i received a call or should i say message from my mom yesterday. she said that the appointment with selayang hospital has been postponed to the 24th of August. Yeah, because the original date, 16th is a taboo date (i had too many work and class).

I'm supposed to get my ultrasound in the x-ray department on that day. after that i need to meet my doctor, mr ganes (physician). usually my interview with him would include daily horrorscopes like... how are you doing? are you active in sports? do you exercise? do you feel tired easily and so on so forth. after the interrogation i would be shushed to the blood room. this is the place where they strap me up and suck my blood with a syringe. if you all are going.. ouch painful, yeah.. i used to think that too. but after a while, it kinda becomes a sensation i no longer fear.

the main problem with this thing is that the process is relatively easy and the service in selayang hospital is one i have to acknowledge as the most friendly, if not the best. however, the frequent travel back and forth is taking its toll on me. i feel tired and exhausted. i have to catch an early bus. reach there sometime around 5-6 in the morning (pudu) and wait for an huor or so. no point getting there early if the place's not open yet.

then i need to get a taxi, i can't recognise busses.... and man, the taxis in KL are damn dangerous and expensive. selayang, build an lrt station right beside the hospital please!

all this travelling becomes a burden after some time. i feel exhausted with life whenever an appointment is near. don't come and tell me that i should bear with it and all shit. i've been bearing with it for my whole life and it's really getting on my NERVES.

i heard that even after i get a liver transplant, frequent visits is still a must. and there are permanent medications which i have to take for the rest of my life. this includes steroids. they say that the steroids might affect my kidneys and so on so forth.

bah, the hell with life.

all my organs are packed, i'm ready to go.
i'm waiting here outside life's door.
-mod from "leaving on a jet plane".
how much longer can a human being endure such physical exhaustion before giving up? beats me. but i intend to fight for life, not fight for a chee bye taxi.

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August 17, 2005


5xmom.com said…
When my son was around, he has this little girlfriend (few mths old) who has biliary atresia. Both stayed at the same hospital. Cute little girl. After my son died at 7 mths old, she also died not long after that. But hey, you are all grown up. That's one miracle already. So, good luck to you, man. May you find a donor soon.
Jimmy Ang said…
you know, people keep telling me that. and there was once when i was in selayang (got admitted) the trainee doctors looked at me like a weird specimen. i'm lucky and all that shit.

some doctors from lauyar hospital can ask their colleagues to come in and see this fella when i tell them about myself. mahai, maybe i will blog about this experience sometime but now, i don't really feel lucky.

cause by having this disease you actually hurt a lot of people.. the people that love you.


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